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good luck for you.
Thursday, September 22, 2016
It Is Safe To Have Sex During Pregnancy?
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If your sex drive increased after you got pregnant, you are not alone. In fact, OB/GYNs have pointed out that many women experience increased libido during pregnancy. This also leaves women asking many related questions, such as “is it safe to have sex during pregnancy?” The good news is that not only is it safe in the vast majority of cases but it can even be helpful.
Sex During Pregnancy is Normal and Healthy
Biologically speaking, there is absolutely nothing unusual about feeling the desire to have sex throughout your pregnancy. This is due to hormonal factors, and many women feel especially revved up near the end of their first trimester. You may also become more sexually charged due to the increased blood flow that pregnancy is sending to your breasts and sexual organs.
It is important to note that some women battle throughout pregnancy with a complete lack of desire for sex. This is also normal, and it may be caused by fluctuating hormones, body confidence issues and morning sickness. Either way, if you do decide to have sex while you are pregnant, you should not experience any serious negative consequences as long as your pregnancy has been progressing normally.
Is it Safe to Have Sex During Pregnancy if You Have a History of Miscarriages?
Many people have the misconception that sexual activity during pregnancy can lead to a miscarriage. The reality is that miscarriages typically happen as the result of abnormal fetal development, which has nothing to do with your sex life. Your uterus’ amniotic fluid is protecting your baby, and having sex may even keep you healthier. Researchers have discovered that women who have sex while they are pregnant are less likely to deal with a variety of potentially serious health complications, including eclampsia, pre-eclampsia and hypertension.
Is There Anything to be Concerned About Regarding Pregnancy Sex?
Although sex during pregnancy is normal and safe in the vast majority of cases, there are always exceptions to every rule. Therefore, it is vital to be aware that there are some situations that may make it medically necessary not to have sex. Your physician should inform you if sexual activity could cause complications due to issues such as placenta previa and cervical incompetence. Additionally, if you have any unexplained bleeding or begin leaking amniotic fluid, it will be necessary to speak to your doctor about whether or not you can continue having sex during the rest of your pregnancy.
Can We Still Use Our Favorite Positions?
There are typically no positions that are off-limits from a medical perspective, but your physical comfort will play a role in how you choose to proceed sexually. It is common for pregnant women to switch to being on top or in a spooning position. You can also proceed with oral sex, but you need to be aware of one potential complication: if your partner blows air into your vagina, you may end up with a blocked blood vessel. Make sure that you discuss this in advance so that it does not become a problem.
Will Sex Cause Labor?
Numerous scientists have suggested that the presence of prostaglandin in semen might be able to induce labor. However, a study that was published in 2012 was unable to find any conclusive link between sex and going into labor. On the plus side, researchers did not find any indication that having sex near your due date will cause any negative side effects. Interestingly, women who are known to be at risk for preterm labor may be told by their physician that it is best to abstain from sex during their third trimester.
As you can see, your hormones may make you feel a strong desire for sex. If this happens and you do not have any existing medical issues that make sexual activity dangerous, you should feel free to enjoy yourself! It is possible for women to develop a UTI after vigorous sex, but you can minimize this risk by taking a softer, gentler approach.
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If your sex drive increased after you got pregnant, you are not alone. In fact, OB/GYNs have pointed out that many women experience increased libido during pregnancy. This also leaves women asking many related questions, such as “is it safe to have sex during pregnancy?” The good news is that not only is it safe in the vast majority of cases but it can even be helpful.
Sex During Pregnancy is Normal and Healthy
Biologically speaking, there is absolutely nothing unusual about feeling the desire to have sex throughout your pregnancy. This is due to hormonal factors, and many women feel especially revved up near the end of their first trimester. You may also become more sexually charged due to the increased blood flow that pregnancy is sending to your breasts and sexual organs.
It is important to note that some women battle throughout pregnancy with a complete lack of desire for sex. This is also normal, and it may be caused by fluctuating hormones, body confidence issues and morning sickness. Either way, if you do decide to have sex while you are pregnant, you should not experience any serious negative consequences as long as your pregnancy has been progressing normally.
Is it Safe to Have Sex During Pregnancy if You Have a History of Miscarriages?
Many people have the misconception that sexual activity during pregnancy can lead to a miscarriage. The reality is that miscarriages typically happen as the result of abnormal fetal development, which has nothing to do with your sex life. Your uterus’ amniotic fluid is protecting your baby, and having sex may even keep you healthier. Researchers have discovered that women who have sex while they are pregnant are less likely to deal with a variety of potentially serious health complications, including eclampsia, pre-eclampsia and hypertension.
Is There Anything to be Concerned About Regarding Pregnancy Sex?
Although sex during pregnancy is normal and safe in the vast majority of cases, there are always exceptions to every rule. Therefore, it is vital to be aware that there are some situations that may make it medically necessary not to have sex. Your physician should inform you if sexual activity could cause complications due to issues such as placenta previa and cervical incompetence. Additionally, if you have any unexplained bleeding or begin leaking amniotic fluid, it will be necessary to speak to your doctor about whether or not you can continue having sex during the rest of your pregnancy.
Can We Still Use Our Favorite Positions?
There are typically no positions that are off-limits from a medical perspective, but your physical comfort will play a role in how you choose to proceed sexually. It is common for pregnant women to switch to being on top or in a spooning position. You can also proceed with oral sex, but you need to be aware of one potential complication: if your partner blows air into your vagina, you may end up with a blocked blood vessel. Make sure that you discuss this in advance so that it does not become a problem.
Will Sex Cause Labor?
Numerous scientists have suggested that the presence of prostaglandin in semen might be able to induce labor. However, a study that was published in 2012 was unable to find any conclusive link between sex and going into labor. On the plus side, researchers did not find any indication that having sex near your due date will cause any negative side effects. Interestingly, women who are known to be at risk for preterm labor may be told by their physician that it is best to abstain from sex during their third trimester.
As you can see, your hormones may make you feel a strong desire for sex. If this happens and you do not have any existing medical issues that make sexual activity dangerous, you should feel free to enjoy yourself! It is possible for women to develop a UTI after vigorous sex, but you can minimize this risk by taking a softer, gentler approach.
8 Funny Comics About Parenting That You Need To See
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Parenting is a full-time job that you may find absolutely wearisome, but at the end of the day you love it. This is life, parents! With two kids, aged 22 months apart, in my life, I don’t even know how the time passes! I say God has given us, the parents, the special power to endure our children’s tantrums, their constant crankiness, their laughter.
There are times when the frustration levels hit a high and you feel down and cranky — just like your kids. But parenting is fun as well. Lots of fun. And to lighten things up, to make you realise the funny side of parenting, here is a man, a cartoonist to be more exact, who has made hilarious parenting comics. These cover most of the daily topics we go through.
Brian Gordon is his name. Just like you and I, he is a dad who struggles with being a dad. Sound familiar? Well, he’s a genius (and a geek) who made his own website called Fowl Language Comics, where you will find comics which are pretty much taken from his real life experiences. So, without further ado, here are 8 funny comics about parenting that you definitely need to see!
1.
Perfect strip to start this with! Parenting is all about frustration, drudgery, testing your patience to the fullest. Yet, it is the best thing on earth. Parenting is confusing. A good confusion. It doesn’t make sense. Have a kid, you will understand. And if you already have a kid, then you know what I mean!
2.
This is one of the truest facts on earth! Noisy kids are so much better. Because once your rowdy kids are silent, you know they are up to some super mischief. Do not trust the silent ones. Bottom line: Silence is golden — unless you have kids, then silence is dangerous.
3.
All the parents, especially the new ones, will totally agree with this one. This happens to me EVERY time I decide to have some me time. Unfortunately, for the last three and a half years, I have been unsuccessful in enjoying whatever little free time I have on hand. The following cartoon strip will give you a wider explanation for your ultimate exhaustion.
4.
Be prepared, parents! Children of all ages will simply wake you up because they felt like it. Or because they are bored. Newborns have a natural instinct for staying wide awake at the wrong times — especially when it’s night and human beings are supposed to sleep. By the time they catch up on the normal routine, they will wake up in the middle of the night and either start crying because they are hungry, or they will start playing, and will expect you to accompany them. There goes your sleep!
5.
Talking about kids playing — half the time you are standing there clueless because what you are doing is wrong and you just don’t understand the nature of the game. It’s long and complicated. In the end, there are high probabilities of both the players reaching peak levels of frustration. It happens.
6.
It doesn’t really matter whether you have failed in playing with your child. If you are blessed with two (or more), they won’t even need you. They have amazing team work. Or something of that sort. This happens to me all the time. No matter in which room I go, once I leave their room, I’ll count up to five seconds, and voila! One of them (usually the younger one) will scream at the top of her lungs. No one knows what happens in that span of five seconds!
7.
With our first child, we are always on alert. By the time we welcome the second mini-me, we have ground knowledge of some common things kids do. For example, their sudden fits of screaming. They have their own reasons, of course — we just fail to understand them.
8.
This is the best. And hilarious. We are so used to them falling down, scratching arms and legs, bleeding through this body part, straining that body part, that by the time they are older, we just give up. You break your leg? Just put some ice bags over it and you’ll be fine. No more panic attacks. We are over it.
No matter what they do, how bizarre they get, how annoying they can be, we love them with all our hearts. Parenting is the best thing that can happen. They’ll keep you entertained non-stop. When they grow up and become independent, you’ll look back and smile. You’ll miss them. So, enjoy your parenting while you can!
The Top 10 Most Useless Degrees(And Why)
If you’re reading this, you’re probably wondering how valuable your current degree will be for your career. Or maybe you’re a highschool senior, debating which degree to pursue.
As someone who has extensively researched the value of a degree before deciding to drop out of university, let me share my two cents on the matter. It may shift your perspective.
Before we go over the 10 most useless degrees in college, let’s go over some major gaps that apply towards pursuing a degree in the first place.
False sense of security
Growing up, we were promised the illusion of the golden ticket. We are told to earn a paper degree, and watch the opportunities roll in.
This may have been true 30–40 years ago, where only 26% of middle-class workers had a degree. Today, when almost everyone has a college degree (if not a Master’s), its value is increasingly becoming a commodity rather than an asset.
As a result, the golden ticket we were promised rarely leads to our desired job upon graduation, if at all. According to the U.S Department of Labor, 53.6% of college graduates under the age of 25 are either unemployed or underemployed.
Misalignment of goals
This may be harsh to hear for some people, but most college professors don’t have your best interest as their priority. There’s two reasons for that.
The first is the increasing number of professor to student ratio, where some lecture halls seat over 500+ students per professor. This makes it incredibly difficult to develop a genuine relationship. This also leads to receiving general and unspecific advice from professors.
The second reason is that most professors have their research and tenure as a higher priority than helping students get the best education for their career. Many professors are using the institution’s facilities and resources for their own research, and are teaching as part of their contract.
There’s rarely a good outcome if there’s a misalignment in any relationship.
Better alternatives
The good news to all of this is: you’re in control. There’s better alternatives and more opportunities than before, from getting practical experience, to leveraging new social communities, even avoiding the degree as a whole — the list just goes on.
With each of the most useless degrees I mention below, I’ll share an alternative you could explore in lieu of your 4-year journey.
1. Advertising
Don Draper may have been “the man” back in 1960; however, with the rise of technology, the advertising industry is shifting faster than ever. The core reason for this is that we’re no longer living in the billboard/banner ad age. Consumers have all the power today. We can choose what we pay attention to and what we tune out.
Many companies question the ROI of advertising as a whole, big agencies are struggling in a world of free media, and new social networks are popping up every year.
Alternative: Stay ahead of new media trends and learn everything you can about it, from new social networks, to marketing channels, etc. Become an expert and share the actual results you’ve received with potential employers or clients. Results will be the only thing that matters.
2. Music
Music is different from advertising since its theory stands the test of time. However, that in itself is the problem: it’s only theory.
If your goal is to one day become a professional musician, learning about its history and the musical terms and instruments is not going to accelerate your success. As Malcolm Gladwell proclaims in his book, “The Outlier”, what made The Beatles become one of the greatest bands in history was the 10,000 hours of practice they had in their early stages.
Alternative: If you want to be a performer in any industry, from musician, to comedian, to keynote speaker: put in the hours. Form your own band. Find every opportunity to get on stage and become the performer you want to be, not an expert in musical theory.
3. Computer Science
Technology is almost always ahead of traditional education. This poses a big contradiction if you’re trying to stay ahead of the latest trends that will help you be in demand of great companies upon graduation.
Be clear with your end goal. Are you looking to learn how computers work, or are you looking to be recruited by the Google’s of the world?
Alternative: Assuming most of you reading this are looking to learn how to code, it’s easier than ever to do this on your own. Check out free platforms such as Codeacademy or Treehouse, and apply it directly by building your own website.
4. Creative Writing
If you’re looking to express your creative mindset, this degree isn’t it.
The first reason is that most professors frown upon modern fiction, and would rather teach you about how it was done in the 1800s. The second is, the only compensated positions that most “creative writers” end up at is writing Top 10 lists for the Internet. There’s better ways to spend 4 years learning how to express yourself.
Alternative: One is, start your own blog. This not only helps you get real practical experience on expressing and condensing your mind, but you can also receive immediate feedback from your audience. Here’s the cherry on top of the sundae, if you manage to build a large enough audience, you can potentially make enough money to be your own boss!
5. Philosophy
Philosophy is the go-to degree when discussing the most useless degrees. This isn’t to dismiss the importance of philosophy, as many influential thinkers such as Tim Ferriss use Stoic Philosophy as a framework for making better decisions. The problem is the way it’s being taught. Professors choose theoretical topics of philosophy that will stir debate and discussion, which rarely applies to our real day-to-day lives.
Alternative: There’s books available, such as “The Obstacle is the Way,” on practical philosophy that will help you make better decisions in life. If you want to learn about the history of Philosophy, there are hundreds of books available on that as well.
6. Communication
If you need a communication degree to prove you can communicate, then you haven’t fully experienced college.
College is where you discover the necessary communication skills to nurture relationships, develop the ability to communicate with new people, and learn about your communication strengths and weaknesses. You’ll learn far more about communication from opening yourself up to meeting new people in your college than spending 4 years about how to talk.
Alternative: Create your own podcast. Find a topic that you’re passionate about and start interviewing people. As ironic as it may sound, the best communicators of the world are not the best speakers. Instead, the people who can ask interesting questions and know how to listen make the best communicators. On top of that, podcasting will help you connect with influential people in your industry, which is a far better strategy of landing your dream job than a degree.
7. Education
Do you want to become a great teacher, have an impact, and share your message with students? Well, you may be disappointed to hear that most teachers receive a nominal salary compared to their relative value. Why not get paid what you’re worth, while potentially impacting millions of students around the world versus a few hundred in your local city?
Alternative: Today, anyone can become a teacher. You can share a practical skill you’ve developed with others, or you can teach people how to shoot photography, how to learn a new language, and more by creating your own Youtube channel, creating your own online course, or signing up for a teaching platform. The opportunities are endless with the rise of online teaching.
8. Languages
As globalization increases at an exponential rate, learning a new language is not only a great asset to have on your resume, but it’s also quickly becoming a necessity. Despite its increasing importance, it doesn’t require an investment of $30,000 to learn the history and literature of the language from a non-native speaking professor. In fact, it’s unlikely you’ll ever use most of the theoretical knowledge you learn about languages in the real world.
Alternative: Much like computer science, you don’t need to learn a language inside and out just in order to speak it fluently. There are existing language learning platforms like Rype that are 0.1% of the investment for a college degree. This platform matches you with a native speaking language coach for one-on-one teaching, rather than learning in a lecture hall with 300 other students.
9. Criminal Justice
Most people entering this degree are looking to become a detective, police officer, or enter law. If that’s the case, earning a degree in Criminal Justice may not be the way to go. According to the BLS, police officers and detective are not necessarily required to have a degree beyond their highschool diploma. This is because most of the practical knowledge is earned upon joining the academy through sponsored on-the-job training.
Alternative: If your goal is to enter law, there are better degrees that will train you for getting into law school. In fact, law school expert Ann Levine states that Criminal Justice is not considered academically rigorous by major law schools. Instead, Levine recommends a degree like political science, that requires research, serious thought, and analysis.
10. Entrepreneurship
Learning entrepreneurship through a textbook is like watching a video on how to ride a bicycle without riding it. This bit of advice comes from personal experience. Every successful entrepreneur will tell you that entrepreneurship cannot be taught, it must be experienced. The calculated risk-taking, mental struggles, and hustle aren’t learned from a textbook, they come from being in the battlefield.
Alternative: The easiest alternative is to start your own business. This could be a side business you start, or something as simple as selling items on Ebay. The last thing you want to do is study the works of successful entrepreneurs without living it your own.
In Conclusion
“Ideas are easy. It’s the execution of ideas that really separates the sheep from the goats.” — Sue Grafton
Despite the points mentioned in this article, your college experience is something to be cherished. You’ll learn far more from the overall experience than inside the classroom.
The problem is not college itself, it’s our preconceived mindset of relying on some of the most useless degrees to make or break our careers. Most of us will end up working in professions that have nothing to do with our degrees.
Think about what your intention and end goals are by entering your degree of study. Where do you see yourself in 5 years upon graduation? How will this degree help you get there? Is it a degree that top employers are looking for? Or are there specific skill-sets that you want to develop to improve yourself?
Most importantly, you should use college as the time to explore yourself, take risks, and learn your strengths and weaknesses. It’s one of the first and only times you’ll have the freedom to make risky decisions with no real downsides. College can become the best experience of your life. Choosing the right degree is only one part of it.
As someone who has extensively researched the value of a degree before deciding to drop out of university, let me share my two cents on the matter. It may shift your perspective.
Before we go over the 10 most useless degrees in college, let’s go over some major gaps that apply towards pursuing a degree in the first place.
False sense of security
Growing up, we were promised the illusion of the golden ticket. We are told to earn a paper degree, and watch the opportunities roll in.
This may have been true 30–40 years ago, where only 26% of middle-class workers had a degree. Today, when almost everyone has a college degree (if not a Master’s), its value is increasingly becoming a commodity rather than an asset.
As a result, the golden ticket we were promised rarely leads to our desired job upon graduation, if at all. According to the U.S Department of Labor, 53.6% of college graduates under the age of 25 are either unemployed or underemployed.
Misalignment of goals
This may be harsh to hear for some people, but most college professors don’t have your best interest as their priority. There’s two reasons for that.
The first is the increasing number of professor to student ratio, where some lecture halls seat over 500+ students per professor. This makes it incredibly difficult to develop a genuine relationship. This also leads to receiving general and unspecific advice from professors.
The second reason is that most professors have their research and tenure as a higher priority than helping students get the best education for their career. Many professors are using the institution’s facilities and resources for their own research, and are teaching as part of their contract.
There’s rarely a good outcome if there’s a misalignment in any relationship.
Better alternatives
The good news to all of this is: you’re in control. There’s better alternatives and more opportunities than before, from getting practical experience, to leveraging new social communities, even avoiding the degree as a whole — the list just goes on.
With each of the most useless degrees I mention below, I’ll share an alternative you could explore in lieu of your 4-year journey.
1. Advertising
Don Draper may have been “the man” back in 1960; however, with the rise of technology, the advertising industry is shifting faster than ever. The core reason for this is that we’re no longer living in the billboard/banner ad age. Consumers have all the power today. We can choose what we pay attention to and what we tune out.
Many companies question the ROI of advertising as a whole, big agencies are struggling in a world of free media, and new social networks are popping up every year.
Alternative: Stay ahead of new media trends and learn everything you can about it, from new social networks, to marketing channels, etc. Become an expert and share the actual results you’ve received with potential employers or clients. Results will be the only thing that matters.
2. Music
Music is different from advertising since its theory stands the test of time. However, that in itself is the problem: it’s only theory.
If your goal is to one day become a professional musician, learning about its history and the musical terms and instruments is not going to accelerate your success. As Malcolm Gladwell proclaims in his book, “The Outlier”, what made The Beatles become one of the greatest bands in history was the 10,000 hours of practice they had in their early stages.
Alternative: If you want to be a performer in any industry, from musician, to comedian, to keynote speaker: put in the hours. Form your own band. Find every opportunity to get on stage and become the performer you want to be, not an expert in musical theory.
3. Computer Science
Technology is almost always ahead of traditional education. This poses a big contradiction if you’re trying to stay ahead of the latest trends that will help you be in demand of great companies upon graduation.
Be clear with your end goal. Are you looking to learn how computers work, or are you looking to be recruited by the Google’s of the world?
Alternative: Assuming most of you reading this are looking to learn how to code, it’s easier than ever to do this on your own. Check out free platforms such as Codeacademy or Treehouse, and apply it directly by building your own website.
4. Creative Writing
If you’re looking to express your creative mindset, this degree isn’t it.
The first reason is that most professors frown upon modern fiction, and would rather teach you about how it was done in the 1800s. The second is, the only compensated positions that most “creative writers” end up at is writing Top 10 lists for the Internet. There’s better ways to spend 4 years learning how to express yourself.
Alternative: One is, start your own blog. This not only helps you get real practical experience on expressing and condensing your mind, but you can also receive immediate feedback from your audience. Here’s the cherry on top of the sundae, if you manage to build a large enough audience, you can potentially make enough money to be your own boss!
5. Philosophy
Philosophy is the go-to degree when discussing the most useless degrees. This isn’t to dismiss the importance of philosophy, as many influential thinkers such as Tim Ferriss use Stoic Philosophy as a framework for making better decisions. The problem is the way it’s being taught. Professors choose theoretical topics of philosophy that will stir debate and discussion, which rarely applies to our real day-to-day lives.
Alternative: There’s books available, such as “The Obstacle is the Way,” on practical philosophy that will help you make better decisions in life. If you want to learn about the history of Philosophy, there are hundreds of books available on that as well.
6. Communication
If you need a communication degree to prove you can communicate, then you haven’t fully experienced college.
College is where you discover the necessary communication skills to nurture relationships, develop the ability to communicate with new people, and learn about your communication strengths and weaknesses. You’ll learn far more about communication from opening yourself up to meeting new people in your college than spending 4 years about how to talk.
Alternative: Create your own podcast. Find a topic that you’re passionate about and start interviewing people. As ironic as it may sound, the best communicators of the world are not the best speakers. Instead, the people who can ask interesting questions and know how to listen make the best communicators. On top of that, podcasting will help you connect with influential people in your industry, which is a far better strategy of landing your dream job than a degree.
7. Education
Do you want to become a great teacher, have an impact, and share your message with students? Well, you may be disappointed to hear that most teachers receive a nominal salary compared to their relative value. Why not get paid what you’re worth, while potentially impacting millions of students around the world versus a few hundred in your local city?
Alternative: Today, anyone can become a teacher. You can share a practical skill you’ve developed with others, or you can teach people how to shoot photography, how to learn a new language, and more by creating your own Youtube channel, creating your own online course, or signing up for a teaching platform. The opportunities are endless with the rise of online teaching.
8. Languages
As globalization increases at an exponential rate, learning a new language is not only a great asset to have on your resume, but it’s also quickly becoming a necessity. Despite its increasing importance, it doesn’t require an investment of $30,000 to learn the history and literature of the language from a non-native speaking professor. In fact, it’s unlikely you’ll ever use most of the theoretical knowledge you learn about languages in the real world.
Alternative: Much like computer science, you don’t need to learn a language inside and out just in order to speak it fluently. There are existing language learning platforms like Rype that are 0.1% of the investment for a college degree. This platform matches you with a native speaking language coach for one-on-one teaching, rather than learning in a lecture hall with 300 other students.
9. Criminal Justice
Most people entering this degree are looking to become a detective, police officer, or enter law. If that’s the case, earning a degree in Criminal Justice may not be the way to go. According to the BLS, police officers and detective are not necessarily required to have a degree beyond their highschool diploma. This is because most of the practical knowledge is earned upon joining the academy through sponsored on-the-job training.
Alternative: If your goal is to enter law, there are better degrees that will train you for getting into law school. In fact, law school expert Ann Levine states that Criminal Justice is not considered academically rigorous by major law schools. Instead, Levine recommends a degree like political science, that requires research, serious thought, and analysis.
10. Entrepreneurship
Learning entrepreneurship through a textbook is like watching a video on how to ride a bicycle without riding it. This bit of advice comes from personal experience. Every successful entrepreneur will tell you that entrepreneurship cannot be taught, it must be experienced. The calculated risk-taking, mental struggles, and hustle aren’t learned from a textbook, they come from being in the battlefield.
Alternative: The easiest alternative is to start your own business. This could be a side business you start, or something as simple as selling items on Ebay. The last thing you want to do is study the works of successful entrepreneurs without living it your own.
In Conclusion
“Ideas are easy. It’s the execution of ideas that really separates the sheep from the goats.” — Sue Grafton
Despite the points mentioned in this article, your college experience is something to be cherished. You’ll learn far more from the overall experience than inside the classroom.
The problem is not college itself, it’s our preconceived mindset of relying on some of the most useless degrees to make or break our careers. Most of us will end up working in professions that have nothing to do with our degrees.
Think about what your intention and end goals are by entering your degree of study. Where do you see yourself in 5 years upon graduation? How will this degree help you get there? Is it a degree that top employers are looking for? Or are there specific skill-sets that you want to develop to improve yourself?
Most importantly, you should use college as the time to explore yourself, take risks, and learn your strengths and weaknesses. It’s one of the first and only times you’ll have the freedom to make risky decisions with no real downsides. College can become the best experience of your life. Choosing the right degree is only one part of it.
A Scientifically Proven Technique That Can Make Your Learning 50% Easier
Like or not, to become successful in many areas of life, whether it be in school, college, at work or just in learning a new hobby or skill, you need to master the art of retaining new information. Say you have an important test coming up for one of your college classes and you need to come well-prepared with a comprehensive set of facts and figures at your disposal. How should you get ready? Some study techniques and information retention techniques are more effective than others, so how should you tackle the task ahead of you?
This article will take you through the basics of a technique scientifically proven to increase learning and retention by up to 50% according to B. Price Kerfoot, associate professor of surgery at Harvard Medical School. Imagine the positive effect that could have on your study or career success! Even better, this method is not particularly arduous or complicated to learn. Almost anyone can do it. Every student, teacher, and parent should understand how it works and, more importantly, how to use it to ensure high-quality retention. It is especially suitable for remembering lists and vocabulary items.
The Power Of Spaced Repetition
We’re going to take a look at spaced repetition and how it can help you keep hold of large quantities of information. Essentially, spaced repetition entails leaving longer and longer gaps between the presentation of information. In the 1970s, writer and social commentator Sebastian Leitner developed the Leitner System. In this system, information is presented on pieces of paper or card (flashcards) until the learner demonstrates that he or she has memorized that particular concept.
To use this system, start by writing out key pieces of information on flashcards. Make them approximately the size of a small postcard. Each piece of information must make sense in its own right, but try to restrict yourself to one key concept or theory per card. On the other side of the card, write out a question that will test your knowledge. For instance, if you are using this system to learn French vocabulary, you could simply write the French word on one side and English word on the other. Each card should have a clear question and answer. You can test yourself, or if you have a study partner, ask them to help you out.
Next, find several empty boxes and line them up as shown in the diagram below.
Now, test yourself. Place all of your cards in Box 1. Go through them one by one, asking yourself the question written on the card before turning it over to see whether you answered correctly. If you get the answer correct, put the card in Box 2. If you get it wrong, place it back in Box 1. Now, here’s the really important part. The trick to making this system work is to go through the cards in the “lower” boxes more often than the “higher” boxes. In other words, you need to make sure that you are reviewing, re-testing, and re-learning the material with which you are the least familiar. This means that your learning time is used efficiently, because you are dedicating more time to your weaker areas, as opposed to re-hashing content with which you are already comfortable. This system removes the temptation to re-cap information you already know. It forces you to face the questions you find hardest!
It is up to you how frequently you review the questions in each box, but provided you stick to the basics — that you make sure successfully answered questions are moved to the next box, whereas incorrectly answered questions are demoted back to Box 1, and that you spend proportionately more time on the material in the lower boxes — this system will work for you. Why not try it the next time you have a long list of facts to memorize?
This article will take you through the basics of a technique scientifically proven to increase learning and retention by up to 50% according to B. Price Kerfoot, associate professor of surgery at Harvard Medical School. Imagine the positive effect that could have on your study or career success! Even better, this method is not particularly arduous or complicated to learn. Almost anyone can do it. Every student, teacher, and parent should understand how it works and, more importantly, how to use it to ensure high-quality retention. It is especially suitable for remembering lists and vocabulary items.
The Power Of Spaced Repetition
We’re going to take a look at spaced repetition and how it can help you keep hold of large quantities of information. Essentially, spaced repetition entails leaving longer and longer gaps between the presentation of information. In the 1970s, writer and social commentator Sebastian Leitner developed the Leitner System. In this system, information is presented on pieces of paper or card (flashcards) until the learner demonstrates that he or she has memorized that particular concept.
To use this system, start by writing out key pieces of information on flashcards. Make them approximately the size of a small postcard. Each piece of information must make sense in its own right, but try to restrict yourself to one key concept or theory per card. On the other side of the card, write out a question that will test your knowledge. For instance, if you are using this system to learn French vocabulary, you could simply write the French word on one side and English word on the other. Each card should have a clear question and answer. You can test yourself, or if you have a study partner, ask them to help you out.
Next, find several empty boxes and line them up as shown in the diagram below.
Now, test yourself. Place all of your cards in Box 1. Go through them one by one, asking yourself the question written on the card before turning it over to see whether you answered correctly. If you get the answer correct, put the card in Box 2. If you get it wrong, place it back in Box 1. Now, here’s the really important part. The trick to making this system work is to go through the cards in the “lower” boxes more often than the “higher” boxes. In other words, you need to make sure that you are reviewing, re-testing, and re-learning the material with which you are the least familiar. This means that your learning time is used efficiently, because you are dedicating more time to your weaker areas, as opposed to re-hashing content with which you are already comfortable. This system removes the temptation to re-cap information you already know. It forces you to face the questions you find hardest!
It is up to you how frequently you review the questions in each box, but provided you stick to the basics — that you make sure successfully answered questions are moved to the next box, whereas incorrectly answered questions are demoted back to Box 1, and that you spend proportionately more time on the material in the lower boxes — this system will work for you. Why not try it the next time you have a long list of facts to memorize?
5 Techniqes To Make Better Decisions
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How can I make better decisions?
I browsed the web and ended up on Qoura reading the most popular answers. People often suggested, “just do it,” “ignore fear of failure,” and “never turn back.”
I thought it over and really considered it. If I simply ignored the “fear of failure” and just “did it”, would that really be making a decision? Absolutely not!
“Just doing it” results in even more failures and even more regrets. Imagine if general George Patton just ignored his “fear of failure” and recklessly charged straight into enemy lines without a plan! Image if you, or your family and loved ones ignored all risk and “just did it” instead of taking the time to make a well informed decision.
Imagine if we applied those same results for:
– Buying a house
– Quitting your job
– Having kids
– Investing in a new business venture
– Getting Married
– Having a vasectomy
– Plastic surgery
It probably wouldn’t end up so well!
Instead of flipping a coin, using your magic 8 ball, or “just doing it”, here are 5 techniques to make better decisions.
1. “I cannot decide on what I do not know!”
Hal wanted to quit his job. After his workday was over, he sat down with a pen and paper and came up with a massive list of pros and cons. He wrote out everything he wanted to do and how he was going to make money. He imagined over and over the freedom and excitement that he would gain after leaving. The next day Hal walked into work and quit.
This may sound great to some but, the problem with Hal was that he did not know enough to make a good decision yet! He rushed what he actually had plenty of time to do.
Everything that he imagined and dreamed about was blurry. All the “facts” that Hal used to make his decision were NOT verified facts, but rather bits and pieces that he heard from his friends or picked up on from the far corners of the internet. Hal is extremely jaded.
Hal then replayed the same facts over and over in his head (thinking they were real). No new information was being added to the equation to allow him to make a better decision.
We often jump to conclusions when making difficult decisions that require serious thought and planning. We must first gather more information because:
You do not know what you do not know!
You cannot decide on what you do not know!
If I asked you to solve the following equation A + B + 2Z – 10X = P could you do it?
Not right away because there are too many unknowns! You could guess or use trial and error but that takes too much time and a great deal of effort in real life. We need to go out and collect more information to make a better decision.
We do not have all the answers
2. “Maybe you can help me?”
The quickest way to gathering more information to make that tough decision is to go out and ask other people. However, there is a trick. Ask the people who have already done it! Stay away from the people that don’t have any experience but seem to know everything.
This year, while I complete graduate school, I wanted to participate in applied clinical research. More specifically, I wanted to design and develop medical devices from a clinical need.
Instead of “just doing it,” I decided to reach out to a respected faculty member to see if it was a good idea. I went to him and poured my heart out. He looked at me like I had 2 heads and shunned me away!
I took the advice to heart and sulked a bit. Instead of just quitting, I decide to gather even more information! But this time, I reached out to other schools including MIT, Stanford, UMN, and Johns Hopkins. The information and feedback I got was amazing.
Why? Because all these schools were actually DOING IT! That had already developed over a hundred medical devices in the same fashion I wanted to do. Not only that, they had specific programs to help people like me who wanted to do that kind of research and design.
On the other hand, my school was not doing it and the professor I reached out to wasn’t either.
-Ask the people who are doing it or have already done it to get more information.
3. Seek the Devil’s Advocate.
As human beings, we are self-confirming. We naturally seek out information that we already agree with and tend to ignore information that we disagree with. Skepticism and denial can be good in some instances, but these characteristics must not be confused with being hard-headed.
Imagine 2 documents sitting right in front of you, one with information you agree with, and the second with information you disagree with. Whether you are right or wrong, or whether the information is right or wrong, you will pick the document that you agree with first and consider that information more seriously. Obviously, whether you are right or wrong, you will pick the document containing information you agree with first and take that more seriously.
Let’s go back to the “should I quit my job” example. You probably already REALLY want to quit your job and have already made up your mind. Now, instead of making a decision, you are just confirming your existing desire to quit, by collected confirming evidence. This confirmation bias blinds us from the obvious and has lead to some of the worst business decision ever made (for example, Quaker Oats‘ aquisition of Snapple).
To counteract this, reach out and collect information that opposes your existing viewpoints.
Good businesses use this process all the time. When Fortune 500 companies make big time investments (like acquiring another company, investing in new ventures, downsizing, re-sizing, etc.), they hire a completely separate team to investigate the opposing viewpoint, and then seriously consider the opposite.
Remember, “De-Nile isn’t just a river in Egypt.”
4. Beware of the sham options.
Everything seems great in comparison with something crappy.
The other day I was watching HGTV’s Home Hunters Abroad. A couple was shopping for a beautiful island home in Caruso. They required two things: it had to be less than $400,000, and it had to be rent-able.
The couple contacted a real estate, who I now realized was skilled in the art of sales. He lined up 3 beautiful houses. House number 1 cost $399,000 and was perched on top of a hill overlooking a magnificent clear blue bay. The couple fell in love with the view and was seriously considering buying the house until they found out the new construction would get in the way of their ocean view.
After seeing how the couple reacted to the ocean view, the real estate agent quickly changed his sales tactics. He showed them house #2, which had a stunning ocean view and a white sand beach a few steps from their back door.
The only problem was the house was $489,000 – a full $89,000 over budget. The couple was so angry at the real estate agent that they considered replacing him.
Finally the last on the list, house #3, had no view, was not rent-able and was $10,000 under budget.
Which house did they chose?
The couple went with house #2 that was $89,000 over budget! They made a poor decision and broke the bank because they were not aware of the sales trap the real estate agent set.
House #2 seemed like the best option in that context, compared to the shame option of house #3. In a different context, going an extra $89,000 over budget is a bad idea.
What they should have done was not buy anything and waited until something else showed up. However, when you are in the middle of a difficult decision, sometimes it’s hard to gain that kind of perspective.
5. Factor in the opportunity cost
How could the previous couple in the home buying example snap out of the mental trap set by the real estate agent?
The couple needed a change in perspective. When dealing with big number numbers like $400,000 and $486,000 the difference might not seem that much, but let’s take another look and consider the opportunity costs.
What is another to $89,000 to you? Well it’s another 2 years of saving every single cent of your paycheck (assuming you make ~$60,000 before taxes). Which means you cannot eat, buy gas, go out, or do anything for 2 entire years. You must save every single penny of your paycheck to afford the difference!
Here are more examples of what they could have bought with the amount the went over budget by:
A Porche 911 special edition
400 pairs of Air Jordan retro edition shoes ($215 each)
4,000 hours of work, assuming you make $60,000 before taxes
22,879 gallons of milk ($3.89 per gallon)
89 pounds of gold ($1,124.75 per oz)
Conclusion
Next time instead of jumping to conclusions and “just doing it”:
Take some time to gather more information. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Get more information people who have already done it, not the people who are trying to sell it.
Seek the devils advocate and seriously consider what they have to say. You might be just confirming yourself!
Beware of the shame option. All other options seem great in context to a crappy one.
Gain a greater perspective by considering the opportunity costs.
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</figure>
How can I make better decisions?
I browsed the web and ended up on Qoura reading the most popular answers. People often suggested, “just do it,” “ignore fear of failure,” and “never turn back.”
I thought it over and really considered it. If I simply ignored the “fear of failure” and just “did it”, would that really be making a decision? Absolutely not!
“Just doing it” results in even more failures and even more regrets. Imagine if general George Patton just ignored his “fear of failure” and recklessly charged straight into enemy lines without a plan! Image if you, or your family and loved ones ignored all risk and “just did it” instead of taking the time to make a well informed decision.
Imagine if we applied those same results for:
– Buying a house
– Quitting your job
– Having kids
– Investing in a new business venture
– Getting Married
– Having a vasectomy
– Plastic surgery
It probably wouldn’t end up so well!
Instead of flipping a coin, using your magic 8 ball, or “just doing it”, here are 5 techniques to make better decisions.
1. “I cannot decide on what I do not know!”
Hal wanted to quit his job. After his workday was over, he sat down with a pen and paper and came up with a massive list of pros and cons. He wrote out everything he wanted to do and how he was going to make money. He imagined over and over the freedom and excitement that he would gain after leaving. The next day Hal walked into work and quit.
This may sound great to some but, the problem with Hal was that he did not know enough to make a good decision yet! He rushed what he actually had plenty of time to do.
Everything that he imagined and dreamed about was blurry. All the “facts” that Hal used to make his decision were NOT verified facts, but rather bits and pieces that he heard from his friends or picked up on from the far corners of the internet. Hal is extremely jaded.
Hal then replayed the same facts over and over in his head (thinking they were real). No new information was being added to the equation to allow him to make a better decision.
We often jump to conclusions when making difficult decisions that require serious thought and planning. We must first gather more information because:
You do not know what you do not know!
You cannot decide on what you do not know!
If I asked you to solve the following equation A + B + 2Z – 10X = P could you do it?
Not right away because there are too many unknowns! You could guess or use trial and error but that takes too much time and a great deal of effort in real life. We need to go out and collect more information to make a better decision.
We do not have all the answers
2. “Maybe you can help me?”
The quickest way to gathering more information to make that tough decision is to go out and ask other people. However, there is a trick. Ask the people who have already done it! Stay away from the people that don’t have any experience but seem to know everything.
This year, while I complete graduate school, I wanted to participate in applied clinical research. More specifically, I wanted to design and develop medical devices from a clinical need.
Instead of “just doing it,” I decided to reach out to a respected faculty member to see if it was a good idea. I went to him and poured my heart out. He looked at me like I had 2 heads and shunned me away!
I took the advice to heart and sulked a bit. Instead of just quitting, I decide to gather even more information! But this time, I reached out to other schools including MIT, Stanford, UMN, and Johns Hopkins. The information and feedback I got was amazing.
Why? Because all these schools were actually DOING IT! That had already developed over a hundred medical devices in the same fashion I wanted to do. Not only that, they had specific programs to help people like me who wanted to do that kind of research and design.
On the other hand, my school was not doing it and the professor I reached out to wasn’t either.
-Ask the people who are doing it or have already done it to get more information.
3. Seek the Devil’s Advocate.
As human beings, we are self-confirming. We naturally seek out information that we already agree with and tend to ignore information that we disagree with. Skepticism and denial can be good in some instances, but these characteristics must not be confused with being hard-headed.
Imagine 2 documents sitting right in front of you, one with information you agree with, and the second with information you disagree with. Whether you are right or wrong, or whether the information is right or wrong, you will pick the document that you agree with first and consider that information more seriously. Obviously, whether you are right or wrong, you will pick the document containing information you agree with first and take that more seriously.
Let’s go back to the “should I quit my job” example. You probably already REALLY want to quit your job and have already made up your mind. Now, instead of making a decision, you are just confirming your existing desire to quit, by collected confirming evidence. This confirmation bias blinds us from the obvious and has lead to some of the worst business decision ever made (for example, Quaker Oats‘ aquisition of Snapple).
To counteract this, reach out and collect information that opposes your existing viewpoints.
Good businesses use this process all the time. When Fortune 500 companies make big time investments (like acquiring another company, investing in new ventures, downsizing, re-sizing, etc.), they hire a completely separate team to investigate the opposing viewpoint, and then seriously consider the opposite.
Remember, “De-Nile isn’t just a river in Egypt.”
4. Beware of the sham options.
Everything seems great in comparison with something crappy.
The other day I was watching HGTV’s Home Hunters Abroad. A couple was shopping for a beautiful island home in Caruso. They required two things: it had to be less than $400,000, and it had to be rent-able.
The couple contacted a real estate, who I now realized was skilled in the art of sales. He lined up 3 beautiful houses. House number 1 cost $399,000 and was perched on top of a hill overlooking a magnificent clear blue bay. The couple fell in love with the view and was seriously considering buying the house until they found out the new construction would get in the way of their ocean view.
After seeing how the couple reacted to the ocean view, the real estate agent quickly changed his sales tactics. He showed them house #2, which had a stunning ocean view and a white sand beach a few steps from their back door.
The only problem was the house was $489,000 – a full $89,000 over budget. The couple was so angry at the real estate agent that they considered replacing him.
Finally the last on the list, house #3, had no view, was not rent-able and was $10,000 under budget.
Which house did they chose?
The couple went with house #2 that was $89,000 over budget! They made a poor decision and broke the bank because they were not aware of the sales trap the real estate agent set.
House #2 seemed like the best option in that context, compared to the shame option of house #3. In a different context, going an extra $89,000 over budget is a bad idea.
What they should have done was not buy anything and waited until something else showed up. However, when you are in the middle of a difficult decision, sometimes it’s hard to gain that kind of perspective.
5. Factor in the opportunity cost
How could the previous couple in the home buying example snap out of the mental trap set by the real estate agent?
The couple needed a change in perspective. When dealing with big number numbers like $400,000 and $486,000 the difference might not seem that much, but let’s take another look and consider the opportunity costs.
What is another to $89,000 to you? Well it’s another 2 years of saving every single cent of your paycheck (assuming you make ~$60,000 before taxes). Which means you cannot eat, buy gas, go out, or do anything for 2 entire years. You must save every single penny of your paycheck to afford the difference!
Here are more examples of what they could have bought with the amount the went over budget by:
A Porche 911 special edition
400 pairs of Air Jordan retro edition shoes ($215 each)
4,000 hours of work, assuming you make $60,000 before taxes
22,879 gallons of milk ($3.89 per gallon)
89 pounds of gold ($1,124.75 per oz)
Conclusion
Next time instead of jumping to conclusions and “just doing it”:
Take some time to gather more information. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Get more information people who have already done it, not the people who are trying to sell it.
Seek the devils advocate and seriously consider what they have to say. You might be just confirming yourself!
Beware of the shame option. All other options seem great in context to a crappy one.
Gain a greater perspective by considering the opportunity costs.
7 sings That Yo're Making Your Children Narcissistic
Narcissism is defined as the excessive interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance. Vanity, self-love, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-obsession, conceit, self-centeredness. Many think that the number of narcissistic children in western civilization is rising. I have created this handy dandy list for you to reference and see if certain things you are doing on the parenting front could be contributing to your child becoming narcissistic. Using this list I was able to even find some points where I may be going slightly astray (and we know how perfect I am!) Without further ado here is my list of 7 signs that you’re making your child(ren) Narcissistic.
You lead your child to believe they are infallible.
This can be done by over praising. Putting your child on a pedestal is easy to do because you created them, but acknowledging faults is human. It’s a healthy thing to be able to see that everyone has weaknesses.
You compare your child to other kids and tell them how they measure up.
Around age 7 or 8 kids start to compare themselves to others. It’s important that you aren’t putting undue pressure on them to be better then their peers at everything. Don’t compare to Mikey and tell them where he comes up short.
You view affection as something to be earned and therefore show little warmth.
This could be difficult to recognize in yourself I suppose, but if you are only hugging after a job well done or for specifics tasks completed. There is a difference in affection and appreciation versus making your child feel like they are better than others. You can love your child and think they hang the moon, but you don’t have to put down or take anything away from anyone else to do that.
You model behaviors such as inability to hear criticism.
We all know that one adult who can’t bear to hear that they are wrong. That can’t take any type of reply to their ideas or opinions other than “yep,” Don’t be that adult. You are better than that, and your child needs you to be better than that.
You Excessively Brag and Make Excuses for Your Child
Can we be honest here? You should be proud of your kid. Your kid probably does something fantastic stuff that mine can’t do. However it’s ok too if your child messes up. In fact it’s better if they mess up while they are children, so they learn to handle that. If you make excuses for their behaviors instead of showing them how to deal with not being perfect- you are missing out a learning opportunity for the child. And as it turns out you may be raising a narcissist.
You Speak Badly of Anyone That is “Different” in Front of Your Child
This one is trickier and trickier it seems. In a time when we are so enlightened it seems that everyone feels shamed for their views. There is a difference in pointing out how you disagree with a religion/belief system and trying to prove you are superior to it. Expressing superiority in regards to age/race/gender/sexual preference – gosh, just please don’t do that. Let’s be past that in this generation, okay?
You Recognize Narcissistic Traits in Yourself and Don’t Take Steps To Get Better
There is a hereditary component to narcissism. There are personality traits that is a person is born with. However if you feel like you have some traits that fall into the Narcissistic column and you don’t get some help before having a kid… it may be time to re-evaluate now. Some day when you are in the old folks’ home and your grown-up child is too wrapped up in him/herself to visit you, you will possibly regret not taking some time to work on these things now.
If you are interested in more information on this that is less opinion and more scientific please go to this link to find what the Washington Post wrote about the subject. I found it extremely interesting and well
You lead your child to believe they are infallible.
This can be done by over praising. Putting your child on a pedestal is easy to do because you created them, but acknowledging faults is human. It’s a healthy thing to be able to see that everyone has weaknesses.
You compare your child to other kids and tell them how they measure up.
Around age 7 or 8 kids start to compare themselves to others. It’s important that you aren’t putting undue pressure on them to be better then their peers at everything. Don’t compare to Mikey and tell them where he comes up short.
You view affection as something to be earned and therefore show little warmth.
This could be difficult to recognize in yourself I suppose, but if you are only hugging after a job well done or for specifics tasks completed. There is a difference in affection and appreciation versus making your child feel like they are better than others. You can love your child and think they hang the moon, but you don’t have to put down or take anything away from anyone else to do that.
You model behaviors such as inability to hear criticism.
We all know that one adult who can’t bear to hear that they are wrong. That can’t take any type of reply to their ideas or opinions other than “yep,” Don’t be that adult. You are better than that, and your child needs you to be better than that.
You Excessively Brag and Make Excuses for Your Child
Can we be honest here? You should be proud of your kid. Your kid probably does something fantastic stuff that mine can’t do. However it’s ok too if your child messes up. In fact it’s better if they mess up while they are children, so they learn to handle that. If you make excuses for their behaviors instead of showing them how to deal with not being perfect- you are missing out a learning opportunity for the child. And as it turns out you may be raising a narcissist.
You Speak Badly of Anyone That is “Different” in Front of Your Child
This one is trickier and trickier it seems. In a time when we are so enlightened it seems that everyone feels shamed for their views. There is a difference in pointing out how you disagree with a religion/belief system and trying to prove you are superior to it. Expressing superiority in regards to age/race/gender/sexual preference – gosh, just please don’t do that. Let’s be past that in this generation, okay?
You Recognize Narcissistic Traits in Yourself and Don’t Take Steps To Get Better
There is a hereditary component to narcissism. There are personality traits that is a person is born with. However if you feel like you have some traits that fall into the Narcissistic column and you don’t get some help before having a kid… it may be time to re-evaluate now. Some day when you are in the old folks’ home and your grown-up child is too wrapped up in him/herself to visit you, you will possibly regret not taking some time to work on these things now.
If you are interested in more information on this that is less opinion and more scientific please go to this link to find what the Washington Post wrote about the subject. I found it extremely interesting and well
7 Sings Adult Children Truly Are Adults
Thanksgiving is fast approaching. If you’re the matriarch of the family, chances are you’re responsible for hosting a large feast for the whole family. The question is: Are you flying solo slaving in the kitchen or are your adult kids pitching in to help alleviate the burden? The answer to that question will indicate whether your adult children are in fact adults. Here are some other indicators:
1. Your kids ask how YOU are doing from time to time
The parent-child relationship is largely one-sided for the first 18 years of a child’s life. But by the time they fly the coop from high school or maybe even college, they start to realize their parents are people with needs, too. So they ask how you’re doing and if there’s anything they can do for you. They ask about your interests, your hobbies, your dreams. You are no longer an extension of their need.
2. You are no longer a walking ATM
The days of being asked, “Hey Mom, got a twenty?” are OVER. By this time, junior has a job and learning to pay for rent, car payments and (gasp) even his own toilet paper! I remember the time I moved into my first studio apartment. I was sitting on the john and thought, “Oh man, I’ve got to buy EVERYTHING around here!” Yup. In the growing up years, your parents become smarter by the day.
3. The family cell phone plan is just for Mom and Dad
Don’t get me started on how many twenty-somethings are still mooching off their parents and crying, “It doesn’t cost THAT much to keep me on your family plan, can’t you do me a solid and help me out a little? I promise to call you every week!” When you start charging them for their portion of the plan or boot them off the family plan entirely, they realize that unlimited texting comes at a cost!
4. You go out for dinner on your birthday… and your kids foot the bill
In days past, when the family’s gone out to dinner, it’s typical for the parents to pick up the tab. And that’s all well and good… but the tables should turn when your kids land decent jobs and you go out for your special day. When the bill comes, they should offer to treat you to a nice meal after all you’ve done for them.
5. Your kids stop blaming you for their poor choices
The true mark of maturity is realizing you alone are responsible for your mental, emotional and financial health. Your parents (hopefully) did what they could, albeit imperfectly, as they raised you. Maybe some collateral damage was incurred along the way and as you rehash how much your parents screwed you over as a kid, you feel they owe you an apology for the decisions you’re making today. That’s wrong. Once you hit 21, you’re in the driver’s seat. Believe it, own it and move on.
6. Holiday traditions change
When your kids have kids of their own, they may insist on creating some unique traditions within their little families… and it may not include you. That’s okay. Give them Christmas morning with their kids and negotiate a lunch or dinner with you. You had 18 years to dictate holiday traditions with your little ones and now as they launch families of their own, it’s time to support their wishes… while still keeping room in their hearts for you.
7. Instead of trying to fix you, your kids honor you
It baffles my mind when I see kids make their parents’ health, hobbies and marriage their business. It’s totally not. Maybe your parents are perfectly content watching FOX News all day and shouting at the television. To you it might be a complete waste of brain space but if your parents are happy, let them be! A mature adult realizes their parents did their job raising you and it’s not your job to now raise them.
1. Your kids ask how YOU are doing from time to time
The parent-child relationship is largely one-sided for the first 18 years of a child’s life. But by the time they fly the coop from high school or maybe even college, they start to realize their parents are people with needs, too. So they ask how you’re doing and if there’s anything they can do for you. They ask about your interests, your hobbies, your dreams. You are no longer an extension of their need.
2. You are no longer a walking ATM
The days of being asked, “Hey Mom, got a twenty?” are OVER. By this time, junior has a job and learning to pay for rent, car payments and (gasp) even his own toilet paper! I remember the time I moved into my first studio apartment. I was sitting on the john and thought, “Oh man, I’ve got to buy EVERYTHING around here!” Yup. In the growing up years, your parents become smarter by the day.
3. The family cell phone plan is just for Mom and Dad
Don’t get me started on how many twenty-somethings are still mooching off their parents and crying, “It doesn’t cost THAT much to keep me on your family plan, can’t you do me a solid and help me out a little? I promise to call you every week!” When you start charging them for their portion of the plan or boot them off the family plan entirely, they realize that unlimited texting comes at a cost!
4. You go out for dinner on your birthday… and your kids foot the bill
In days past, when the family’s gone out to dinner, it’s typical for the parents to pick up the tab. And that’s all well and good… but the tables should turn when your kids land decent jobs and you go out for your special day. When the bill comes, they should offer to treat you to a nice meal after all you’ve done for them.
5. Your kids stop blaming you for their poor choices
The true mark of maturity is realizing you alone are responsible for your mental, emotional and financial health. Your parents (hopefully) did what they could, albeit imperfectly, as they raised you. Maybe some collateral damage was incurred along the way and as you rehash how much your parents screwed you over as a kid, you feel they owe you an apology for the decisions you’re making today. That’s wrong. Once you hit 21, you’re in the driver’s seat. Believe it, own it and move on.
6. Holiday traditions change
When your kids have kids of their own, they may insist on creating some unique traditions within their little families… and it may not include you. That’s okay. Give them Christmas morning with their kids and negotiate a lunch or dinner with you. You had 18 years to dictate holiday traditions with your little ones and now as they launch families of their own, it’s time to support their wishes… while still keeping room in their hearts for you.
7. Instead of trying to fix you, your kids honor you
It baffles my mind when I see kids make their parents’ health, hobbies and marriage their business. It’s totally not. Maybe your parents are perfectly content watching FOX News all day and shouting at the television. To you it might be a complete waste of brain space but if your parents are happy, let them be! A mature adult realizes their parents did their job raising you and it’s not your job to now raise them.
6 Things Only Dads Whit Daughters Would Understand
One of the greatest moments in my life was the day my daughter was born. While a lot of men wish for a son to throw a football around or share a love of cars with, raising a girl can be equally rewarding. Here are the reasons why having a daughter has been one of the most fulfilling life experiences for me.
She can be taught how to do anything she puts her mind to
Having a daughter carries a lot of responsibility, especially with making sure she does not feel limited by her gender. Early on my wife and I discussed the importance of raising our girl to be open-minded to anything and everything that interests her. I especially wanted to make sure that she felt competent to play any sport or excel in math and science at school, areas that are usually thought of as more male-focused pursuits.
She is influenced by her parents’ relationship with each other
A daughter is aware of how I treat her mom and how we balance our relationship within the context of our daily lives. I try to make sure that she sees that I do my fair share of the chores and help out around the house with cooking and childcare. It is important that she experiences firsthand parents who strive to have equality both professionally and at home as well. My hope is that when she gets old enough she will take a similar model with her own relationships.
She needs me most during her teenage years
She has a few more years, but I know that when my daughter becomes a teenager this is the time she needs me the most. I have heard from other dads how difficult these years can be with their daughters, but I am determined to stand by her thick and thin. I know that I will not be able to be much help in the female department with periods and new body changes, but I will make sure that she knows I am there to lean on whether she is going through her first heartbreak or having trouble with friends.
She needs to learn how to stand her own ground
One of the most important things I can teach her is to be assertive and fight for what is right. This is a essential trait that will benefit her throughout her entire life. Whether she is being told she is not talented enough or teased for a certain way that she appears or thinks, there is no stronger weapon than teaching her how to fight back with her words.
She flourishes from sharing her interests with you
I have realized that it is important to show interest in the activities and hobbies that she enjoys, even if it is something that does not interest me in the slightest. When my daughter was younger she loved playing with her toy horses, creating elaborate stables for them out of building blocks and spending hours galloping the around the living room. What made her even more happy was the moments that I joined her on the ground and participated in her make-believe world. I have made it my duty as she grow up to continue to be present for all the things that she loves to do, whether it is a dance recital or a soccer game.
She needs to hear that she is smart as well as beautiful
Telling my daughter she is smart is one of the most important phrases that I can say to her and it never will grow old. It is important as a dad of a daughter to not only complement her on her outward appearance, but also encourage her intelligence and remind her that looks are not as important as what is inside your mind.
She can be taught how to do anything she puts her mind to
Having a daughter carries a lot of responsibility, especially with making sure she does not feel limited by her gender. Early on my wife and I discussed the importance of raising our girl to be open-minded to anything and everything that interests her. I especially wanted to make sure that she felt competent to play any sport or excel in math and science at school, areas that are usually thought of as more male-focused pursuits.
She is influenced by her parents’ relationship with each other
A daughter is aware of how I treat her mom and how we balance our relationship within the context of our daily lives. I try to make sure that she sees that I do my fair share of the chores and help out around the house with cooking and childcare. It is important that she experiences firsthand parents who strive to have equality both professionally and at home as well. My hope is that when she gets old enough she will take a similar model with her own relationships.
She needs me most during her teenage years
She has a few more years, but I know that when my daughter becomes a teenager this is the time she needs me the most. I have heard from other dads how difficult these years can be with their daughters, but I am determined to stand by her thick and thin. I know that I will not be able to be much help in the female department with periods and new body changes, but I will make sure that she knows I am there to lean on whether she is going through her first heartbreak or having trouble with friends.
She needs to learn how to stand her own ground
One of the most important things I can teach her is to be assertive and fight for what is right. This is a essential trait that will benefit her throughout her entire life. Whether she is being told she is not talented enough or teased for a certain way that she appears or thinks, there is no stronger weapon than teaching her how to fight back with her words.
She flourishes from sharing her interests with you
I have realized that it is important to show interest in the activities and hobbies that she enjoys, even if it is something that does not interest me in the slightest. When my daughter was younger she loved playing with her toy horses, creating elaborate stables for them out of building blocks and spending hours galloping the around the living room. What made her even more happy was the moments that I joined her on the ground and participated in her make-believe world. I have made it my duty as she grow up to continue to be present for all the things that she loves to do, whether it is a dance recital or a soccer game.
She needs to hear that she is smart as well as beautiful
Telling my daughter she is smart is one of the most important phrases that I can say to her and it never will grow old. It is important as a dad of a daughter to not only complement her on her outward appearance, but also encourage her intelligence and remind her that looks are not as important as what is inside your mind.
A Letter To My Daughter As An Old Man
To my darling daughter,
In my life I’ve accomplished a great many things, but by far, the greatest accomplishment I’ve achieved is you.
And my most cherished title is “Dad.” I’m so proud of everything that you are and everything you have yet to become. Your potential is limitless and as long as there is breath left in me, I will be right here as a gentle support and willing you to succeed.
I’ll never forget seeing you for the very first time.
I remember your fingers, your feet. I even saw you sucking on your tiny thumb that very first day. And when I saw you open your eyes for the very first time and gaze into the eyes of your beautiful mother, well, that was one of the most profound moments of my life. My girls.
Your childhood was the most magical time of my life. You’ve given me so many special moments that I will treasure forever. The first time you called me Dad… how you would run into my arms whenever you hurt yourself… your endless laughter at the silliest of things.
You have always valued your independence.
I remember one summer when you were three years old. Your mother and I thought we lost you at a very crowded outdoor restaurant. We panicked and were about to call the police when we found you sitting with another family member, chatting and enjoying some of their chips. I think back on this often now that you live in London. Although you are far away, I know you are living a full and exciting life (and hopefully finding some good chips).
Since then you have grown into a strong-willed, motivated, but most importantly kind person. You are a strong and intellectually driven women, much like your mother was. You are incredibly thoughtful and loyal to the people in your life, and naturally they are drawn to you. You are comfortable with complicated ideas and in complicated social settings. You can do anything you want.
You have always been funny and empathetic, with a great work ethic. Your intelligence, both deep and practical, is amazing.
Mum and I couldn’t reach you after the London Tube attacks, and because you’d been at work nearby, we were rightfully scared. Finally, after hours of waiting, your mum called to tell me that you’d been separated from your colleagues during the evacuation—because you stayed behind to help an elderly woman down nine flights of stairs. I took a deep breath and leaned back against the fridge.
You see, as a dad, sometimes I have to lean back, hoping and praying that you will be okay in this sometimes scary world. And time and again, you lean forward, showing me that you’re the independent, strong women that every dad hopes he will raise.
As we edge closer to the time when I will no longer be just a phone call away, I wanted to let you know just how very proud I am of you (just ask my friends in the care home, you’re all I talk about).
When I’m no longer around, I hope that as your father I have given you the tools that will enable you to continue to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams. I have always believed it is harder for strong women to achieve than it is for men. But that just makes strong and successful women the most interesting people in the world. I have observed this with you as you’ve matured.
I am so very lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for your limitless patience, support and love. You are the rock of my life.
Love,
Dad.
In my life I’ve accomplished a great many things, but by far, the greatest accomplishment I’ve achieved is you.
And my most cherished title is “Dad.” I’m so proud of everything that you are and everything you have yet to become. Your potential is limitless and as long as there is breath left in me, I will be right here as a gentle support and willing you to succeed.
I’ll never forget seeing you for the very first time.
I remember your fingers, your feet. I even saw you sucking on your tiny thumb that very first day. And when I saw you open your eyes for the very first time and gaze into the eyes of your beautiful mother, well, that was one of the most profound moments of my life. My girls.
Your childhood was the most magical time of my life. You’ve given me so many special moments that I will treasure forever. The first time you called me Dad… how you would run into my arms whenever you hurt yourself… your endless laughter at the silliest of things.
You have always valued your independence.
I remember one summer when you were three years old. Your mother and I thought we lost you at a very crowded outdoor restaurant. We panicked and were about to call the police when we found you sitting with another family member, chatting and enjoying some of their chips. I think back on this often now that you live in London. Although you are far away, I know you are living a full and exciting life (and hopefully finding some good chips).
Since then you have grown into a strong-willed, motivated, but most importantly kind person. You are a strong and intellectually driven women, much like your mother was. You are incredibly thoughtful and loyal to the people in your life, and naturally they are drawn to you. You are comfortable with complicated ideas and in complicated social settings. You can do anything you want.
You have always been funny and empathetic, with a great work ethic. Your intelligence, both deep and practical, is amazing.
Mum and I couldn’t reach you after the London Tube attacks, and because you’d been at work nearby, we were rightfully scared. Finally, after hours of waiting, your mum called to tell me that you’d been separated from your colleagues during the evacuation—because you stayed behind to help an elderly woman down nine flights of stairs. I took a deep breath and leaned back against the fridge.
You see, as a dad, sometimes I have to lean back, hoping and praying that you will be okay in this sometimes scary world. And time and again, you lean forward, showing me that you’re the independent, strong women that every dad hopes he will raise.
As we edge closer to the time when I will no longer be just a phone call away, I wanted to let you know just how very proud I am of you (just ask my friends in the care home, you’re all I talk about).
When I’m no longer around, I hope that as your father I have given you the tools that will enable you to continue to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams. I have always believed it is harder for strong women to achieve than it is for men. But that just makes strong and successful women the most interesting people in the world. I have observed this with you as you’ve matured.
I am so very lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for your limitless patience, support and love. You are the rock of my life.
Love,
Dad.
A Letter To My Toxic Parent
Dear Mother,
I’ve written, edited, deleted, and rewritten this about four times now, struggling to find the words I want to say. It’s all so complicated; finding the right words is difficult. This is what I’ve come up with:
“The thing about parenting is that it doesn’t come with a manual.”
That’s a saying we’ve all probably heard at least once or twice in our lives. Usually when it’s said, people are talking about anxiety regarding the proper ways to raise a child into a happy, functional adult with as little childhood trauma as possible. It’s meant to be a soothing statement reflecting that most parents are just trying to do what they can and hoping for the best, like I know you did.
I know you did.
But the other thing about being a parent is sometimes the lessons we learn from our own parents is more of a guideline for how children should not be treated than a model we should follow in raising the next generation. That’s true for you, isn’t it? I know about the terrible cruelty you suffered in your own childhood- the screaming, torture, and neglect- and so I cannot hold the things that happened in my own against you; you were simply using the tools you were handed. You didn’t know they were broken.
Learning to forgive
It took a long time to get to the point of being able to talk openly about these things. Even now, I am trembling and anxious and I want to stop, but I know someone out there needs me to be their voice in this. Someone needs my help to say one simple, powerful phrase:
I forgive you.
I want you to know that I forgive you, and I do not hate you. Now that I am an adult- now that I may potentially raise children of my own- I understand how important it is to tell you these things. I will not deny that I was angry; I was so furious it consumed me for years. But I can tell you the exact moment I realized I could not hold on to that anger any more.
It was on one of my many visits with you in the hospital. I believe it was your second time being admitted for threats of suicide, and you were sitting across the table from me in the cafeteria. I remember looking at you and realizing you were not there. Your eyes were vacant and your movements were slow and stilted; I remember realizing in that moment that you were doped up to your eyeballs just to have a moment of peace in your own mind so you could visit with your kids.
I was angry then, too. Not at you- or at least not directly. I was angry because I felt like once again you were running away from us. Now I realize what I was feeling was misplaced guilt and insecurities; throughout my entire childhood I thought if I was just good enough you could love me properly, like the families you see on the television. I was wrong- not for wanting that affection, but for thinking your inability to give it to me was because of something I did. It wasn’t until much later that I understood how deep the scars of your childhood traumas ran. By then it was because I had scars of my own.
My forgiveness came from understanding, which is key, because it would not have happened otherwise. It took many years and an earnest desire to understand why, which in all honesty was born from the desire know what I did wrong. I think that’s where you and I differ: I was able to get to this point much sooner than you.
Learning From Experiences
I will never fault you for seeking treatment for your mental illnesses. Chronic depression is serious disorder, and I am glad you are such a fighter and survivor. I only wish you would have sought treatment sooner; then perhaps things would not have gotten so intensely toxic. If you had dealt with those nasty, vicious demons sooner, you may have never contemplated suicide, or… or tried to take my brother and I with you. Maybe I wouldn’t have spent so many days sitting outside of your bedroom hoping you would come out and offer some affection rather than disinterested tolerance or violence.
Maybe then I wouldn’t still live in fear of the day I get the call that you finally succeeded.
However, I also realize now that the way I was raised is something no child should have to endure. No, it was never as terrible as what you survived, but it still wasn’t okay. Twenty-four years, and I’m still trying to teach myself not to flinch when you are angry with me. Twenty-four years, and I’m still terrified of being forgotten and abandoned. I cope, I try to improve myself, I try to live outside of your shadow, but I still struggle some days. I suppose that’s part of the reason this is suddenly coming out so easily.
But I would be lying, mother, if I said even once that your influence on me in my childhood was all terrible. I strove to be the very best I could be so that you would be proud of me- and I know you were, because you said so. It’s just, that seemed to be one of the only things you could express toward me: pride or anger. So I would get so terribly upset with myself at even the smallest missteps, because I just had to be perfect. For you. Always for you.
Because of that, I got top scores in all the standardized tests. I got a scholarship for that, do you remember? I swore to accept no limitations on myself because I knew I had to fly for you- the bird with clipped wings, locked in a cage far too long. I wanted and will always want you to be proud of me.
Changing the Path
If one day I become a mother to children of my own, I want to keep all of this in mind. Perhaps I’ll print this out. Maybe one day I’ll even let you read it and the other things I’ve written to express myself. I would say I wonder if you would read them, but you have never been overly concerned with my life much beyond whether I’m still on the straight and narrow. Don’t get me wrong, mother, things between us are better than they have ever been. I’m glad for it. But I know you and I cannot have the relationship I longed for all those years ago, or even now.
One day I may have your granddaughter or grandson; I want you to rest assured I will do everything in my power to give them the things you wanted for me that you simply could not facilitate. Just as you gave me a better childhood than the one you endured, I will give them better than I ever had. I’d like to think I can be the one to finally end this legacy of toxicity and trauma which began generations ago.
Or maybe I won’t have children. Maybe I’ll live a life filled with travel and experiences you never allowed yourself to dream about. I could send you a postcard from each exotic land and hope you get the message I have never been brave enough to say to your face.
I made it mama. I’m okay. You didn’t fail me. We both made it out fine.
I’ve written, edited, deleted, and rewritten this about four times now, struggling to find the words I want to say. It’s all so complicated; finding the right words is difficult. This is what I’ve come up with:
“The thing about parenting is that it doesn’t come with a manual.”
That’s a saying we’ve all probably heard at least once or twice in our lives. Usually when it’s said, people are talking about anxiety regarding the proper ways to raise a child into a happy, functional adult with as little childhood trauma as possible. It’s meant to be a soothing statement reflecting that most parents are just trying to do what they can and hoping for the best, like I know you did.
I know you did.
But the other thing about being a parent is sometimes the lessons we learn from our own parents is more of a guideline for how children should not be treated than a model we should follow in raising the next generation. That’s true for you, isn’t it? I know about the terrible cruelty you suffered in your own childhood- the screaming, torture, and neglect- and so I cannot hold the things that happened in my own against you; you were simply using the tools you were handed. You didn’t know they were broken.
Learning to forgive
It took a long time to get to the point of being able to talk openly about these things. Even now, I am trembling and anxious and I want to stop, but I know someone out there needs me to be their voice in this. Someone needs my help to say one simple, powerful phrase:
I forgive you.
I want you to know that I forgive you, and I do not hate you. Now that I am an adult- now that I may potentially raise children of my own- I understand how important it is to tell you these things. I will not deny that I was angry; I was so furious it consumed me for years. But I can tell you the exact moment I realized I could not hold on to that anger any more.
It was on one of my many visits with you in the hospital. I believe it was your second time being admitted for threats of suicide, and you were sitting across the table from me in the cafeteria. I remember looking at you and realizing you were not there. Your eyes were vacant and your movements were slow and stilted; I remember realizing in that moment that you were doped up to your eyeballs just to have a moment of peace in your own mind so you could visit with your kids.
I was angry then, too. Not at you- or at least not directly. I was angry because I felt like once again you were running away from us. Now I realize what I was feeling was misplaced guilt and insecurities; throughout my entire childhood I thought if I was just good enough you could love me properly, like the families you see on the television. I was wrong- not for wanting that affection, but for thinking your inability to give it to me was because of something I did. It wasn’t until much later that I understood how deep the scars of your childhood traumas ran. By then it was because I had scars of my own.
My forgiveness came from understanding, which is key, because it would not have happened otherwise. It took many years and an earnest desire to understand why, which in all honesty was born from the desire know what I did wrong. I think that’s where you and I differ: I was able to get to this point much sooner than you.
Learning From Experiences
I will never fault you for seeking treatment for your mental illnesses. Chronic depression is serious disorder, and I am glad you are such a fighter and survivor. I only wish you would have sought treatment sooner; then perhaps things would not have gotten so intensely toxic. If you had dealt with those nasty, vicious demons sooner, you may have never contemplated suicide, or… or tried to take my brother and I with you. Maybe I wouldn’t have spent so many days sitting outside of your bedroom hoping you would come out and offer some affection rather than disinterested tolerance or violence.
Maybe then I wouldn’t still live in fear of the day I get the call that you finally succeeded.
However, I also realize now that the way I was raised is something no child should have to endure. No, it was never as terrible as what you survived, but it still wasn’t okay. Twenty-four years, and I’m still trying to teach myself not to flinch when you are angry with me. Twenty-four years, and I’m still terrified of being forgotten and abandoned. I cope, I try to improve myself, I try to live outside of your shadow, but I still struggle some days. I suppose that’s part of the reason this is suddenly coming out so easily.
But I would be lying, mother, if I said even once that your influence on me in my childhood was all terrible. I strove to be the very best I could be so that you would be proud of me- and I know you were, because you said so. It’s just, that seemed to be one of the only things you could express toward me: pride or anger. So I would get so terribly upset with myself at even the smallest missteps, because I just had to be perfect. For you. Always for you.
Because of that, I got top scores in all the standardized tests. I got a scholarship for that, do you remember? I swore to accept no limitations on myself because I knew I had to fly for you- the bird with clipped wings, locked in a cage far too long. I wanted and will always want you to be proud of me.
Changing the Path
If one day I become a mother to children of my own, I want to keep all of this in mind. Perhaps I’ll print this out. Maybe one day I’ll even let you read it and the other things I’ve written to express myself. I would say I wonder if you would read them, but you have never been overly concerned with my life much beyond whether I’m still on the straight and narrow. Don’t get me wrong, mother, things between us are better than they have ever been. I’m glad for it. But I know you and I cannot have the relationship I longed for all those years ago, or even now.
One day I may have your granddaughter or grandson; I want you to rest assured I will do everything in my power to give them the things you wanted for me that you simply could not facilitate. Just as you gave me a better childhood than the one you endured, I will give them better than I ever had. I’d like to think I can be the one to finally end this legacy of toxicity and trauma which began generations ago.
Or maybe I won’t have children. Maybe I’ll live a life filled with travel and experiences you never allowed yourself to dream about. I could send you a postcard from each exotic land and hope you get the message I have never been brave enough to say to your face.
I made it mama. I’m okay. You didn’t fail me. We both made it out fine.
10 Sings You're Raised By a Storng Mom
A strong mom isn’t only strong on herself. She makes you strong as well, and even stronger than herself. They don’t teach you what the society teaches you. They teach you to be yourself and go for what you want. Without them, you won’t be at where you are today.
Here are 10 signs you’re raised by a strong mom:
1. She always encourages you to speak your mind
A strong mom is honest and forthright. She teaches her children to be the same. Communication is valued and necessary in order to get her message across. You use your words and are in touch with your thoughts and feelings when you grow up with a strong mom.
2. She doesn’t tell you what to think, but how to think
You don’t just memorize what you read or learn, you think about it and form your own opinion. A strong mom doesn’t tell her child what to think, she teaches them how to think. You are an expert at gathering information from a variety of sources and you evaluate the information and come to your own conclusion. You are willing to learn and change your mind and aren’t afraid to ask questions. You are willing to be wrong sometimes and even to fail. It is how you learn.
3. She tells you how important education is, no matter you’re a boy or girl
A strong mom knows the importance of education. Without it we’ll end up like a blank paper with little to offer. And strong moms know that education isn’t just about going to an expensive school or getting good grades; it’s about paying attention, asking questions, reading and expressing yourself through strong literacy.
4. She teaches you to be your own competitor
Your mom has shown you by example that if you work hard and try your best, the results would be rewarding. No matter how many times you face obstacles and how often you find adversity, you keep going. Your main competitor is yourself and above all else, a strong mom wants you to be self reliant.
5. She values financial independency
Being independent and self sufficient is a key trait of a strong mom and she instills this in her children. She will teach you to work hard and manage your own finances and affairs. In order to survive you need to achieve financial autonomy. As well as making your own money and not having to be co dependent, she will teach you how to cook and clean after yourself, how to look after your health and how to have valuable and strong relationships.
6. She gives you the confidence and self assurance to be who you want to be
You know who you are and what you stand for. Having a strong mom gives you the confidence and self assurance to be who you want to be. You wear what you want and aren’t afraid of expressing yourself. You seek out knowledge by taking an interest in the world around you. Strong moms encourage their children to travel, meet new people, have diverse experiences and to never be afraid to try something new.
7. She teaches you empathy
One of the strongest traits in people who have been raised by strong mothers is their capacity to feel and display empathy. Moms love their children fiercely, but this maternal protection and affection extends out to anyone who comes into theirs and their children’s lives. Strong moms teach their children to be kind and display humanist qualities.
8. She shows you how to bring people together
The importance of family, friendship and community is highlighted when you are raised by a strong mom. She shows you that you need other people and they need you. The value of reciprocity and generosity is exemplified and you learn that with strong alliances and connections, you will thrive.
9. She shows you how to be fiercely independent
Whilst needing others and relying on the resilience of good relationships, you are self sufficient and can get by in the world without needing others’ approval or permission. You can think for yourself and make your own decisions. You are a leader and will take others under your wing, just like how your mom looked after you.
10. She tells you either to surrender or to change it
Being raised by a strong mom means you have a broadened mind. You don’t make value judgements and your propensity to learn, empathize and stay resilient requires you to be accepting of most situations. You don’t complain. You either truly accept the circumstances or you change them.
Here are 10 signs you’re raised by a strong mom:
1. She always encourages you to speak your mind
A strong mom is honest and forthright. She teaches her children to be the same. Communication is valued and necessary in order to get her message across. You use your words and are in touch with your thoughts and feelings when you grow up with a strong mom.
2. She doesn’t tell you what to think, but how to think
You don’t just memorize what you read or learn, you think about it and form your own opinion. A strong mom doesn’t tell her child what to think, she teaches them how to think. You are an expert at gathering information from a variety of sources and you evaluate the information and come to your own conclusion. You are willing to learn and change your mind and aren’t afraid to ask questions. You are willing to be wrong sometimes and even to fail. It is how you learn.
3. She tells you how important education is, no matter you’re a boy or girl
A strong mom knows the importance of education. Without it we’ll end up like a blank paper with little to offer. And strong moms know that education isn’t just about going to an expensive school or getting good grades; it’s about paying attention, asking questions, reading and expressing yourself through strong literacy.
4. She teaches you to be your own competitor
Your mom has shown you by example that if you work hard and try your best, the results would be rewarding. No matter how many times you face obstacles and how often you find adversity, you keep going. Your main competitor is yourself and above all else, a strong mom wants you to be self reliant.
5. She values financial independency
Being independent and self sufficient is a key trait of a strong mom and she instills this in her children. She will teach you to work hard and manage your own finances and affairs. In order to survive you need to achieve financial autonomy. As well as making your own money and not having to be co dependent, she will teach you how to cook and clean after yourself, how to look after your health and how to have valuable and strong relationships.
6. She gives you the confidence and self assurance to be who you want to be
You know who you are and what you stand for. Having a strong mom gives you the confidence and self assurance to be who you want to be. You wear what you want and aren’t afraid of expressing yourself. You seek out knowledge by taking an interest in the world around you. Strong moms encourage their children to travel, meet new people, have diverse experiences and to never be afraid to try something new.
7. She teaches you empathy
One of the strongest traits in people who have been raised by strong mothers is their capacity to feel and display empathy. Moms love their children fiercely, but this maternal protection and affection extends out to anyone who comes into theirs and their children’s lives. Strong moms teach their children to be kind and display humanist qualities.
8. She shows you how to bring people together
The importance of family, friendship and community is highlighted when you are raised by a strong mom. She shows you that you need other people and they need you. The value of reciprocity and generosity is exemplified and you learn that with strong alliances and connections, you will thrive.
9. She shows you how to be fiercely independent
Whilst needing others and relying on the resilience of good relationships, you are self sufficient and can get by in the world without needing others’ approval or permission. You can think for yourself and make your own decisions. You are a leader and will take others under your wing, just like how your mom looked after you.
10. She tells you either to surrender or to change it
Being raised by a strong mom means you have a broadened mind. You don’t make value judgements and your propensity to learn, empathize and stay resilient requires you to be accepting of most situations. You don’t complain. You either truly accept the circumstances or you change them.
Your twenties are meant to be one of the most exciting decades of your life. Above all, it is a time to learn. It is supposed to be an incredible time characterized by self-discovery and experimentation. It is not a time to limit yourself by rushing to serious decisions that could impact the rest of your life. More specifically, it is not a time to focus on love or finding “the one”.
With the case of love, your twenties should be a time to explore both yourself and your preferences in specific types of partners. Ultimately, your twenties are a period of immense trial and error. Your twenties are a key stage that prepare you for your 30’s and 40’s, the time when you are mature enough to truly prosper.
Here are 12 reasons why you shouldn’t be too serious about love in your 20’s:
1. Love requires patience. This comes after your twenties
In your twenties, you have all the time in the world. However, one thing all young adults seem to lack in their twenties is patience. It’s a product of growing up in the Information Age. We don’t want to wait. We want it right now.
Unfortunately, love doesn’t work this way. It takes time for a relationship to grow and for chemistry to develop. Love is all about mutual growth and chemistry. The only way you can experience this is through patience.
2. Love requires dedication
When you seriously love someone, you need to be all in. This requires responsibility and dedication for both partners. If we’re being honest here, your twenties are a time for you to have fun and explore.
Who wants to cut the fun in their twenties short? Some people do that and often find themselves unhappy and wondering “what if”.
3. Love often finds you
They say that love tends to come from unexpected places. If this is the case, why not just live life to the fullest and worry about love later?
4. Love materializes when you are ready
We’ve already established that love requires patience and dedication. We’ve also established that these often develop after your twenties. Therefore, it’s safe to say that you are simply not ready for love in your twenties. Be patient it will find you when it finds you.
5. Your twenties are a time to find yourself
Living life to the fullest and learning as much as possible requires an enormous commitment to yourself. Quite frankly, you need to be selfish if you want to find yourself. This is an enormous trade off because selfishness has no place in the dynamic of love. You and your partner must be selfless.
6. Your twenties are a time to explore
How can you know if your partner is what’s best for you if you settled down with them too soon? You can’t. If you choose to take love too seriously and settle down with one partner in your twenties, you are essentially rolling the dice. Maybe your partner is a great match. But maybe not.
Why not spend time exploring and wait so that you can make better long-term decisions on your love life a few years down the road?
7. Your twenties are a time to go all out and live life to the fullest
Your twenties are a time when your youthful energy and health are at an all time high. This is the time to live it up. Try new things. Be adventurous. Go out and see the world. This is the time to do it. You don’t want to become another one of those stories of someone who wakes up at age 35 and realizes that they settled down too soon.
8. Love requires time
You are supposed to be living your life in your twenties. There simply isn’t time to fully dedicate yourself to someone if you are busy seeing the world and doing the things you want to do. For instance, how can you build a relationship if you want to take time to find yourself and also travel the world? You can’t.
9. Love is serious business
Love is a serious thing. However, your twenties are a time to let loose and have fun. The time to make serious love decisions should be saved for when you are fully matured. For instance, would it be fair to have someone commit to you if you yourself were not all in? No, it would not be fair.
10. You will be “better” later on in life
All of the experiences and self-discovery during your twenties will pay off because they will translate in to a better individual in later decades. You will be more experienced because you will be seasoned by life.
Ultimately, you will be better and will truly be able to offer something special to that lucky someone.
11. If you take the time to enjoy your twenties, you will be more stable later on in life
Let’s compare two people. Person A lived life to the fullest in their twenties. Eventually, they settled down with someone in their thirties. Person B decided to settle down with someone right away. We can probably assume that Person A is satisfied because they see themselves as having lived a full life and are stable. In contrast, we can probably assume that Person B might have some questions might still have that desire to go out and see the world.
12. Life is not a sprint. It’s a marathon
You should not be in any rush to go through the various stages in life, especially love. You will meet someone when you are ready and this often means when you are at your best and are on your life’s path.
With the case of love, your twenties should be a time to explore both yourself and your preferences in specific types of partners. Ultimately, your twenties are a period of immense trial and error. Your twenties are a key stage that prepare you for your 30’s and 40’s, the time when you are mature enough to truly prosper.
Here are 12 reasons why you shouldn’t be too serious about love in your 20’s:
1. Love requires patience. This comes after your twenties
In your twenties, you have all the time in the world. However, one thing all young adults seem to lack in their twenties is patience. It’s a product of growing up in the Information Age. We don’t want to wait. We want it right now.
Unfortunately, love doesn’t work this way. It takes time for a relationship to grow and for chemistry to develop. Love is all about mutual growth and chemistry. The only way you can experience this is through patience.
2. Love requires dedication
When you seriously love someone, you need to be all in. This requires responsibility and dedication for both partners. If we’re being honest here, your twenties are a time for you to have fun and explore.
Who wants to cut the fun in their twenties short? Some people do that and often find themselves unhappy and wondering “what if”.
3. Love often finds you
They say that love tends to come from unexpected places. If this is the case, why not just live life to the fullest and worry about love later?
4. Love materializes when you are ready
We’ve already established that love requires patience and dedication. We’ve also established that these often develop after your twenties. Therefore, it’s safe to say that you are simply not ready for love in your twenties. Be patient it will find you when it finds you.
5. Your twenties are a time to find yourself
Living life to the fullest and learning as much as possible requires an enormous commitment to yourself. Quite frankly, you need to be selfish if you want to find yourself. This is an enormous trade off because selfishness has no place in the dynamic of love. You and your partner must be selfless.
6. Your twenties are a time to explore
How can you know if your partner is what’s best for you if you settled down with them too soon? You can’t. If you choose to take love too seriously and settle down with one partner in your twenties, you are essentially rolling the dice. Maybe your partner is a great match. But maybe not.
Why not spend time exploring and wait so that you can make better long-term decisions on your love life a few years down the road?
7. Your twenties are a time to go all out and live life to the fullest
Your twenties are a time when your youthful energy and health are at an all time high. This is the time to live it up. Try new things. Be adventurous. Go out and see the world. This is the time to do it. You don’t want to become another one of those stories of someone who wakes up at age 35 and realizes that they settled down too soon.
8. Love requires time
You are supposed to be living your life in your twenties. There simply isn’t time to fully dedicate yourself to someone if you are busy seeing the world and doing the things you want to do. For instance, how can you build a relationship if you want to take time to find yourself and also travel the world? You can’t.
9. Love is serious business
Love is a serious thing. However, your twenties are a time to let loose and have fun. The time to make serious love decisions should be saved for when you are fully matured. For instance, would it be fair to have someone commit to you if you yourself were not all in? No, it would not be fair.
10. You will be “better” later on in life
All of the experiences and self-discovery during your twenties will pay off because they will translate in to a better individual in later decades. You will be more experienced because you will be seasoned by life.
Ultimately, you will be better and will truly be able to offer something special to that lucky someone.
11. If you take the time to enjoy your twenties, you will be more stable later on in life
Let’s compare two people. Person A lived life to the fullest in their twenties. Eventually, they settled down with someone in their thirties. Person B decided to settle down with someone right away. We can probably assume that Person A is satisfied because they see themselves as having lived a full life and are stable. In contrast, we can probably assume that Person B might have some questions might still have that desire to go out and see the world.
12. Life is not a sprint. It’s a marathon
You should not be in any rush to go through the various stages in life, especially love. You will meet someone when you are ready and this often means when you are at your best and are on your life’s path.
20 Things I Wish I Did In My 20s
20s are always awesome. You are young and free, with your whole life ahead of you. You have the choice to achieve anything you want, and are free from many of the responsibilities that come with being in your thirties. However, usually only when you’ve turned 30, you realized there’re much you haven’t done yet. And it’s harder to achieve them once you enter another stage of life.
These are the things I wish I did in my 20s. If you’re in your 20s, maybe it’s time to take action right now.
1. Travel to a farther country
In my 20s, when I still have time and freedom, I didn’t travel to many countries that are far far away. Because I didn’t have much money. Now I have some money, but I don’t have enough time. If I can go back, I’d find more ways to earn the money or any ways that can support my traveling.
2. Reject people who don’t deserve a position in my life
There’re some people who aren’t meant to stay in your life. At that time I was too afraid to hurt others and always hesitate to reject people. At the end, everyone hurts, or everyone wastes their time.
3. Apply for my dream job even if it’s low-paid
When you’re still young, never let anything stop you. Looking back, I was worried about too many unimportant things that told me not to go for what I really like.
4. Travel alone
The world is beautiful, and there is so much of it to see. Travelling alone means you get to do everything that you want to do, and it will make you more independent and self-reliant.
5. Learn to cook a few healthy meals
Take-out food is expensive (and normally pretty unhealthy). Learn to cook a few meals that you love so you can always eat something delicious and healthy. What you ate would be reflected by your body in your 30s.
6. Travel with friends
Have an amazing time in another country with your best friends. It will be one of the best times of your life, and you will never forget the memories. When you enter your 30s, it’ll become much harder to find a time to just see your friends.
7. Let go of grudges
The past is in the past – they are only weighing you down.
8. Spend more time with my parents – and forgive them
I used to be too hard on my parents. I thought they were not good enough. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, even your parents. Spend time with them and work on your relationship together.
9. Ditch toxic relationships
Stop holding onto relationships that make you feel upset or stressed out. They will never change, and real friends don’t make you feel awful.
10. Talk to everyone (and anyone)
Small talk can lead to new opportunities and friendships.
11. Be honest with myself and others
Your life will be much happier and less stressful – lying always complicates things.
12. Find a type of exercise that I enjoy
Exercise is a lot of fun if you are doing something that you actually enjoy. There are lots of options out there; yoga, basketball, soccer, hiking, walking, or even salsa.
13. Brush and floss my teeth
You only get one set of teeth. Look after them every day!
14. Take more risks
Not just one risk – take as many as you want! Life is very limiting when you are motivated by fear instead of passion.
15. Stay up all night having fun with my friends
As you get older, it will be harder to go without sleep. Make the most of it now by staying up late with your friends and having fun together. Go to a club, a bar or a concert and stay out until the sun comes up!
16. Be as busy as I can be
Staying busy means making memories and achieving goals. When you do nothing, nothing obviously happens as a result.
17. Make more new friends
Replace your toxic relationships with happy, fulfilling new friendships.
18. Start paying off my debt
Make your debt disappear in your twenties so you have the extra income in your thirties for other responsibilities.
19. Spend a night under the stars
Camping is a lot of fun, and it’s awe-inspiring to take in the night sky.
20. Write a letter to an old friend
This is a sweet gesture that shows your friend how much you appreciate them, and they can treasure the letter forever. Sometimes it’s a small gesture that can keep your friendship forever.
These are the things I wish I did in my 20s. If you’re in your 20s, maybe it’s time to take action right now.
1. Travel to a farther country
In my 20s, when I still have time and freedom, I didn’t travel to many countries that are far far away. Because I didn’t have much money. Now I have some money, but I don’t have enough time. If I can go back, I’d find more ways to earn the money or any ways that can support my traveling.
2. Reject people who don’t deserve a position in my life
There’re some people who aren’t meant to stay in your life. At that time I was too afraid to hurt others and always hesitate to reject people. At the end, everyone hurts, or everyone wastes their time.
3. Apply for my dream job even if it’s low-paid
When you’re still young, never let anything stop you. Looking back, I was worried about too many unimportant things that told me not to go for what I really like.
4. Travel alone
The world is beautiful, and there is so much of it to see. Travelling alone means you get to do everything that you want to do, and it will make you more independent and self-reliant.
5. Learn to cook a few healthy meals
Take-out food is expensive (and normally pretty unhealthy). Learn to cook a few meals that you love so you can always eat something delicious and healthy. What you ate would be reflected by your body in your 30s.
6. Travel with friends
Have an amazing time in another country with your best friends. It will be one of the best times of your life, and you will never forget the memories. When you enter your 30s, it’ll become much harder to find a time to just see your friends.
7. Let go of grudges
The past is in the past – they are only weighing you down.
8. Spend more time with my parents – and forgive them
I used to be too hard on my parents. I thought they were not good enough. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, even your parents. Spend time with them and work on your relationship together.
9. Ditch toxic relationships
Stop holding onto relationships that make you feel upset or stressed out. They will never change, and real friends don’t make you feel awful.
10. Talk to everyone (and anyone)
Small talk can lead to new opportunities and friendships.
11. Be honest with myself and others
Your life will be much happier and less stressful – lying always complicates things.
12. Find a type of exercise that I enjoy
Exercise is a lot of fun if you are doing something that you actually enjoy. There are lots of options out there; yoga, basketball, soccer, hiking, walking, or even salsa.
13. Brush and floss my teeth
You only get one set of teeth. Look after them every day!
14. Take more risks
Not just one risk – take as many as you want! Life is very limiting when you are motivated by fear instead of passion.
15. Stay up all night having fun with my friends
As you get older, it will be harder to go without sleep. Make the most of it now by staying up late with your friends and having fun together. Go to a club, a bar or a concert and stay out until the sun comes up!
16. Be as busy as I can be
Staying busy means making memories and achieving goals. When you do nothing, nothing obviously happens as a result.
17. Make more new friends
Replace your toxic relationships with happy, fulfilling new friendships.
18. Start paying off my debt
Make your debt disappear in your twenties so you have the extra income in your thirties for other responsibilities.
19. Spend a night under the stars
Camping is a lot of fun, and it’s awe-inspiring to take in the night sky.
20. Write a letter to an old friend
This is a sweet gesture that shows your friend how much you appreciate them, and they can treasure the letter forever. Sometimes it’s a small gesture that can keep your friendship forever.
7 Timeless Tips to Learn Any Language in Days,Not Years
Learning a new language comes with incredible side benefits, including enhanced brain performance, cultural knowledge, and career opportunities. People often mistake the shortcomings of language learning with massive time consumption. But language learning doesn’t need to take years.
In fact, with the right methodology and strategies, learning a language can take less than 90 days.
1. Transfer what you already know
There are certain knowledges that you already possess, which will make it much easier for you to learn certain languages.
For example, if you know how to speak French, it’s a lot easier to transfer your knowledge to speak Spanish faster. This is because the grammar rules and vocabularies are very similar to one another.
However, if you tried to learn Japanese as a sole English speaker, it will take you significantly longer to pick up the language.
2. Know the shortcuts
We can take strategic shortcuts in certain languages to learn faster. A powerful one is a framework introduced by Tim Ferriss to deconstruct the most common sentence structures from English to Spanish.
*Keep in mind you can use this framework for other languages as well*
8 sentence structures: I give John the apple
Translating these 8 sentences into the language you want to learn will expose everything from:
how sentences are structured
how indirect and direct objects are used (the most painful)
how to differentiate feminine and masculine words
how verbs are conjugated into sentences
For example, in English,
The word order is: He/She + verb + (DOP)+ to (IOP).
He gives (verb) the apple (DOP) to her (IOP)
But in Spanish,
The word order is: Él/Ella + (IOP) + (DOP)+ conjugated verb +clarifier.
*IOP=indirect object pronoun
*DOP=direct object pronoun
3. Memorize the most common words
As stated in this article, in the Russian language:
the 75 most common words make up 40% of occurrences
the 200 most common words make up 50% of occurrences
the 524 most common words make up 60% of occurrences
the 1257 most common words make up 70% of occurrences
the 2925 most common words make up 80% of occurrences
the 7444 most common words make up 90% of occurrences
the 13374 most common words make up 95% of occurrences
the 25508 most common words make up 99% of occurrences
This means that you can memorize roughly 500 of the most common words in most languages, and understand 60% of the language! In fact, 60% is sufficient enough to fill the missing pieces in order to comprehend what most native speakers are saying.
You can use memorization techniques such as mnemonics to speed up the memorization process.
4. Immersion
We become what we focus on. If we’re learning a language, the goal should be then to immerse ourselves in the new language as much as possible.This means watching TV and movies in the foreign language you are learning, reading books, listening to podcasts, and even attempting to think in the new language all propel you forward in your learning.
The key is to make sure that you’re not forcing yourself to do an activity you normally don’t do. Learning a language is hard enough, and we shouldn’t make it harder by doing something we don’t like.
If you enjoy watching movies rather than reading, then change the subtitles to your foreign language, and continue watching movies. This will help you immerse language learning into your daily routines.
5. Schedule it
The best productive tip out there is scheduling.
With a simple tool like Google Calendar, you can set organize your day around your learning schedule.
In fact, with the right methodology and strategies, learning a language can take less than 90 days.
1. Transfer what you already know
There are certain knowledges that you already possess, which will make it much easier for you to learn certain languages.
For example, if you know how to speak French, it’s a lot easier to transfer your knowledge to speak Spanish faster. This is because the grammar rules and vocabularies are very similar to one another.
However, if you tried to learn Japanese as a sole English speaker, it will take you significantly longer to pick up the language.
2. Know the shortcuts
We can take strategic shortcuts in certain languages to learn faster. A powerful one is a framework introduced by Tim Ferriss to deconstruct the most common sentence structures from English to Spanish.
*Keep in mind you can use this framework for other languages as well*
8 sentence structures: I give John the apple
Translating these 8 sentences into the language you want to learn will expose everything from:
how sentences are structured
how indirect and direct objects are used (the most painful)
how to differentiate feminine and masculine words
how verbs are conjugated into sentences
For example, in English,
The word order is: He/She + verb + (DOP)+ to (IOP).
He gives (verb) the apple (DOP) to her (IOP)
But in Spanish,
The word order is: Él/Ella + (IOP) + (DOP)+ conjugated verb +clarifier.
*IOP=indirect object pronoun
*DOP=direct object pronoun
3. Memorize the most common words
As stated in this article, in the Russian language:
the 75 most common words make up 40% of occurrences
the 200 most common words make up 50% of occurrences
the 524 most common words make up 60% of occurrences
the 1257 most common words make up 70% of occurrences
the 2925 most common words make up 80% of occurrences
the 7444 most common words make up 90% of occurrences
the 13374 most common words make up 95% of occurrences
the 25508 most common words make up 99% of occurrences
This means that you can memorize roughly 500 of the most common words in most languages, and understand 60% of the language! In fact, 60% is sufficient enough to fill the missing pieces in order to comprehend what most native speakers are saying.
You can use memorization techniques such as mnemonics to speed up the memorization process.
4. Immersion
We become what we focus on. If we’re learning a language, the goal should be then to immerse ourselves in the new language as much as possible.This means watching TV and movies in the foreign language you are learning, reading books, listening to podcasts, and even attempting to think in the new language all propel you forward in your learning.
The key is to make sure that you’re not forcing yourself to do an activity you normally don’t do. Learning a language is hard enough, and we shouldn’t make it harder by doing something we don’t like.
If you enjoy watching movies rather than reading, then change the subtitles to your foreign language, and continue watching movies. This will help you immerse language learning into your daily routines.
5. Schedule it
The best productive tip out there is scheduling.
With a simple tool like Google Calendar, you can set organize your day around your learning schedule.
7 Things People Whit Hidden Depression Do
People who feel depressed are usually easy enough to spot: they may be gloomy, sad, and listless. But what about those who have hidden depression? They may an be extrovert and good company! This is the problem with concealed depression as these sufferers are experts in disguising the real situation. How can we spot them, and how can we help? Here are 10 typical things that people with hidden depression do to help us understand that something is not quite right.
1. They may be outgoing and cheerful
Researchers at the University of Rochester Medical Center found that depression was hard to spot when people had a cheerful disposition, especially if they were elderly. The research team had thought that the introverts would be the ones who would have difficulty in coming out about their depression but it seems that the opposite may be true. We should not take it for granted that a cheerful and sociable person may be immune from depression. We should be on the look out for some indicative signs and above all, we should always be empathic listeners.
2. They may hide their depression
There is some interesting research on the attitude that Europeans and Australians have towards depression. There is so much stigma attached to depression in Australia that many sufferers are determined not to reveal it at all. They may feel embarrassed or simply fear that they may lose their job – reflected in the number of sick days taken because of mental health problems. The figures show that Australians were taking off 14 days for a bout of depression compared to an average of 36 days for Europeans.
3. They may need healing or closure from some past trauma
Imagine the perfect hostess: she has great kids, a rewarding career and a stable marriage. It still may be that there is a painful episode in that person’s life which has never been properly healed. Psychologists have an acronym for this type of person which is the PHDP (Perfectly-Hidden-Depressed Person). The outward display of confidence and happiness is in sharp contrast to what is going on inside. The problem is often ignored, especially by the sufferer who may end up committing suicide. The tragedy is that nobody was ever able to spot the signs, or that the sufferer never had the courage to talk to someone. We should always listen carefully when a friend or loved one talks to us about exhaustion and anxiety.
4. They may have abnormal eating habits
Most experts now believe that there may be a strong link between eating disorders and depression. These are two separate illnesses; though one may lead to the other, or they may arise simultaneously. More and more men are suffering from eating disorders. There may be many causes such as media pressures, body image/exercise, and depression. If you notice that a loved one has appetite changes, try to talk to her/him about them and urge them to get treatment. Hidden depression may well be the trigger here.
5. They may be non-committal about their happiness
Very often, people with hidden depression display a lack of enthusiasm for things they used to love doing. If the person claims that they are certainly not depressed but they just don’t care anymore, this may well be a sign that something is amiss. If you read Eve Wood’s book, 10 Steps to Take Charge of Your Emotional Life, you will find more examples of how discovering self-empowerment can be the answer to coming to terms with depression and anxiety. There are also useful chapters on how counseling, medication, or alternative treatments are possible treatment options. Getting the person to talk about their problems is usually the first step in seeking treatment.
6. They may display irritation and anger
We usually associate depression with apathy, helplessness, melancholic thoughts and crying. But there are other symptoms of depression which often go undetected because they are simply dismissed as temporary outbursts. They are assumed to be just blips on a person’s radar and can be safely ignored – the truth is that angry outbursts and being irritable are often manifestations of depression. Many men choose this way of expressing their depression.
7. They may not be getting enough sleep
If your loved one is complaining about not getting enough sleep (or even oversleeping), it could be a warning sign that there is something wrong. These sleep problems may be just the outward sign of a deeper and more troubling cause which could be anxiety, lethargy or depression. Sleep problems and depression are very often closely connected. It is always worth probing gently to find out what the cause might be, if the person is prepared to open up.
Many cases of depression go undetected and untreated, often with tragic results. Between 10% to 15% of people with severe, untreated depression commit suicide. As we have seen above, people may hide it or fake it. Sometimes, they just keep it a dark secret which they never want to reveal. In addition, there are those who have a different public image from their own private and tormented selves. The challenge is to look out for possible signs and help the person to get treatment.
1. They may be outgoing and cheerful
Researchers at the University of Rochester Medical Center found that depression was hard to spot when people had a cheerful disposition, especially if they were elderly. The research team had thought that the introverts would be the ones who would have difficulty in coming out about their depression but it seems that the opposite may be true. We should not take it for granted that a cheerful and sociable person may be immune from depression. We should be on the look out for some indicative signs and above all, we should always be empathic listeners.
2. They may hide their depression
There is some interesting research on the attitude that Europeans and Australians have towards depression. There is so much stigma attached to depression in Australia that many sufferers are determined not to reveal it at all. They may feel embarrassed or simply fear that they may lose their job – reflected in the number of sick days taken because of mental health problems. The figures show that Australians were taking off 14 days for a bout of depression compared to an average of 36 days for Europeans.
3. They may need healing or closure from some past trauma
Imagine the perfect hostess: she has great kids, a rewarding career and a stable marriage. It still may be that there is a painful episode in that person’s life which has never been properly healed. Psychologists have an acronym for this type of person which is the PHDP (Perfectly-Hidden-Depressed Person). The outward display of confidence and happiness is in sharp contrast to what is going on inside. The problem is often ignored, especially by the sufferer who may end up committing suicide. The tragedy is that nobody was ever able to spot the signs, or that the sufferer never had the courage to talk to someone. We should always listen carefully when a friend or loved one talks to us about exhaustion and anxiety.
4. They may have abnormal eating habits
Most experts now believe that there may be a strong link between eating disorders and depression. These are two separate illnesses; though one may lead to the other, or they may arise simultaneously. More and more men are suffering from eating disorders. There may be many causes such as media pressures, body image/exercise, and depression. If you notice that a loved one has appetite changes, try to talk to her/him about them and urge them to get treatment. Hidden depression may well be the trigger here.
5. They may be non-committal about their happiness
Very often, people with hidden depression display a lack of enthusiasm for things they used to love doing. If the person claims that they are certainly not depressed but they just don’t care anymore, this may well be a sign that something is amiss. If you read Eve Wood’s book, 10 Steps to Take Charge of Your Emotional Life, you will find more examples of how discovering self-empowerment can be the answer to coming to terms with depression and anxiety. There are also useful chapters on how counseling, medication, or alternative treatments are possible treatment options. Getting the person to talk about their problems is usually the first step in seeking treatment.
6. They may display irritation and anger
We usually associate depression with apathy, helplessness, melancholic thoughts and crying. But there are other symptoms of depression which often go undetected because they are simply dismissed as temporary outbursts. They are assumed to be just blips on a person’s radar and can be safely ignored – the truth is that angry outbursts and being irritable are often manifestations of depression. Many men choose this way of expressing their depression.
7. They may not be getting enough sleep
If your loved one is complaining about not getting enough sleep (or even oversleeping), it could be a warning sign that there is something wrong. These sleep problems may be just the outward sign of a deeper and more troubling cause which could be anxiety, lethargy or depression. Sleep problems and depression are very often closely connected. It is always worth probing gently to find out what the cause might be, if the person is prepared to open up.
Many cases of depression go undetected and untreated, often with tragic results. Between 10% to 15% of people with severe, untreated depression commit suicide. As we have seen above, people may hide it or fake it. Sometimes, they just keep it a dark secret which they never want to reveal. In addition, there are those who have a different public image from their own private and tormented selves. The challenge is to look out for possible signs and help the person to get treatment.
What Not To Do Anymore When You Tuen 24
Congratulations on making it to 24! You’re still young, but you’re starting to move into fully-mature adulthood. So how exactly should you change you life for the better? Start by following this guide that outlines 10 things you should stop doing right now!
1. Stop buying cheap clothes.
As a teenager and young adult, it’s fine to buy clothes and only wear them a few times, changing them as fashion dictates. However, now you’re older and probably settling into your first serious job, it’s time to start taking style more seriously. Invest in a few key pieces rather than buying a new wardrobe every few weeks.
2. Stop dating unsuitable ones.
It can be hard to find someone worthy of your time and attention, but by the time you reach your mid-twenties, you should have a better idea about what you need in a partner. Don’t waste your time on experimenting with people who you know, deep down, are not right for you. Strike a balance between being realistic and being too willing to give people a chance.
3. Stop caring what other people think.
It’s human nature to worry about what other people think of us, and no-one likes to feel as though they are being judged or criticized. However, being overly concerned with others’ opinions can cause you to lose sleep and even sacrifice your cherished dreams and ambitions in favour of living someone else’s idea of a great life. Trust your own judgement first and foremost.
4. Stop blaming your parents.
Sure, no-one’s parents are perfect and yours probably made their fair share of mistakes. However, it’s too easy to fall into the trap of blaming your parents or your upbringing for any current issues you may have. This isn’t productive, and will sour familial relationships.
5. Stop holding onto old hopes and dreams.
Are you guilty of holding onto aspirations that you really would be best off releasing? It may be time to trade in your old goals and ambitions for newer, more realistic aims. This doesn’t mean you have to give up on your vision of an ideal life, just that you need to keep your aspirations realistic.
6. Stop living in denial about your finances.
Those years when you could get away with being oblivious to the intricacies of your financial situation are over. It’s time to get responsible and set up a decent savings account, together with a pension plan if you haven’t got one already.
7. Stop being too nice.
This is an extension of Point 3, above, but deserves its own point. Stop people-pleasing. By your age, you should have a good idea of what you are capable of, and where your limits are. Learning how to say ‘no’ is an important step on the road to maturity.
8. Stop wasting so much time on the internet.
This is a tough one. These days, it seems as though everyone is addicted to the internet. We use it to find information, keep in touch with friends…and most of the time just browse social media unconsciously…wasting plenty of time. Learn to set time limits for yourself. You could even try one completely internet-free day per week.
9. Stop taking your health and fitness for granted.
Most of us can subject our bodies to late nights, too much alcohol and excessive junk food in college without feeling the after-effects. Unfortunately, as you move into your mid-twenties and then into your thirties, your body isn’t quite up to the task any more. Time to start eating more healthily and limiting those wild late nights!
10. Stop being messy.
How many hours have you lost looking for your wallet, cell or keys? Make this the year you finally start getting your possessions in order. Nothing makes you feel more mature than knowing exactly where your stuff is.
1. Stop buying cheap clothes.
As a teenager and young adult, it’s fine to buy clothes and only wear them a few times, changing them as fashion dictates. However, now you’re older and probably settling into your first serious job, it’s time to start taking style more seriously. Invest in a few key pieces rather than buying a new wardrobe every few weeks.
2. Stop dating unsuitable ones.
It can be hard to find someone worthy of your time and attention, but by the time you reach your mid-twenties, you should have a better idea about what you need in a partner. Don’t waste your time on experimenting with people who you know, deep down, are not right for you. Strike a balance between being realistic and being too willing to give people a chance.
3. Stop caring what other people think.
It’s human nature to worry about what other people think of us, and no-one likes to feel as though they are being judged or criticized. However, being overly concerned with others’ opinions can cause you to lose sleep and even sacrifice your cherished dreams and ambitions in favour of living someone else’s idea of a great life. Trust your own judgement first and foremost.
4. Stop blaming your parents.
Sure, no-one’s parents are perfect and yours probably made their fair share of mistakes. However, it’s too easy to fall into the trap of blaming your parents or your upbringing for any current issues you may have. This isn’t productive, and will sour familial relationships.
5. Stop holding onto old hopes and dreams.
Are you guilty of holding onto aspirations that you really would be best off releasing? It may be time to trade in your old goals and ambitions for newer, more realistic aims. This doesn’t mean you have to give up on your vision of an ideal life, just that you need to keep your aspirations realistic.
6. Stop living in denial about your finances.
Those years when you could get away with being oblivious to the intricacies of your financial situation are over. It’s time to get responsible and set up a decent savings account, together with a pension plan if you haven’t got one already.
7. Stop being too nice.
This is an extension of Point 3, above, but deserves its own point. Stop people-pleasing. By your age, you should have a good idea of what you are capable of, and where your limits are. Learning how to say ‘no’ is an important step on the road to maturity.
8. Stop wasting so much time on the internet.
This is a tough one. These days, it seems as though everyone is addicted to the internet. We use it to find information, keep in touch with friends…and most of the time just browse social media unconsciously…wasting plenty of time. Learn to set time limits for yourself. You could even try one completely internet-free day per week.
9. Stop taking your health and fitness for granted.
Most of us can subject our bodies to late nights, too much alcohol and excessive junk food in college without feeling the after-effects. Unfortunately, as you move into your mid-twenties and then into your thirties, your body isn’t quite up to the task any more. Time to start eating more healthily and limiting those wild late nights!
10. Stop being messy.
How many hours have you lost looking for your wallet, cell or keys? Make this the year you finally start getting your possessions in order. Nothing makes you feel more mature than knowing exactly where your stuff is.
10 Things Happy People Do Before Lying In Bed Every Nignt
Sleeping is a very important part of everyone’s life. Actually, the things we do before we go to bed matter, too. Many people watch TV-shows till late at night, drink a couple of beers with chicken wings, check all the existing social networks or just work till they are too exhausted.
In fact, many happy people have special rituals to make this before-bed time pleasant and relaxing. They look forward to prepare themselves for sleep and to do that with pleasure. Here are some before-bed rituals that happy individuals tend to do every evening.
1. They meditate
Happy people find some time before sleeping to meditate. The use of meditation was in fact scientifically proved. Regular meditation improves your brain work, fights with stress and depression, lowers the risks of heart attack or stroke, etc. Meditating before going to bed, you clear your mind of all the troubles of the day and get ready to rest before a new happy day.
2. They read
Happy people read! I’m not talking about news, magazines or Twitter. Happy people read books, stories or articles that inspire them. Reading a great inspiring book makes your imagination see positive pictures and motivates you to have positive life as well. If you fall asleep with good thoughts, you’ll fully rest and wake up with the desire to accomplish your goals.
3. They plan
Knowing what you will do the next day relaxes you and makes you feel calm and free. Before sleeping, happy people plan their next day so that they wake up with determination and a clear picture of what to do.
4. They analyze
Benjamin Franklin, for example, thought that time was the most precious resource and it must be spent right. At the end of every day he asked himself what good things he did that day and analyzed every hour. It let him understand what goals he achieved and what things he should work on. Try to do the same thing for 5-10 minutes before sleeping.
5. They feel gratitude
Happy people are always grateful for the things they have and people they know. This ritual is recommended to do in bed before falling asleep. Close your eyes and think about the things you are grateful for this day. Say thanks to the colleague who gave you a ride, or a waitress who served you very fast when you were late, or to your spouse who was there and supported you. Gratitude is a positive emotion that motivates you. Falling asleep with good thoughts, you will wake up the same.
6. They relax
Different people have different ways to relax. Happy people definitely have some ways as being stressful all the time is not the characteristic of happiness. Some people like to take a long bath with bubbles, some enjoy having a nice cup of tea, some people relax over their hobbies such as drawing or knitting, etc. Think of what makes you calm and relaxed and try to do that before going to bed.
7. They eat or drink healthy products
Of course, it is better not to eat at all, but there are some products that can be good for your sleep. You can eat a banana as it is full of serotonin that helps you to relax. Drinking a glass of warm milk with honey is classics. It calms you down and makes you sleepy. Herbal tea and oatmeal are also okay for a late bite. There are also some products that you should not consume before going to bed such as junk food, coffee and alcohol. Happy people feel great mentally and physically. And you cannot feel good physically if you eat three hamburgers before going to sleep.
8. They exercise
Happy people keep their body in shape. Running or heavy lifting before sleep are not the best things to do as it may be harder to calm down and have a good rest after that. However, stretching, doing yoga or some relaxing exercises is just the right thing to do.
9. They cut off the technology
There are so many unnecessary things we do with our gadgets before going to bed. We check our mail, we watch the latest news, we check if our friends posted something on Instagram, we let the world know that we are going to sleep via Twitter… Those things don’t bring any good and just kill time. Instead of that we can do many important things described above and below.
10. They create the atmosphere
Going to bed can become a nice ritual that brings you joy. Listen to a couple of relaxing songs, make sure it is warm enough in your bedroom and it smells good (essential oils and potpourri can help here). Happy people make their bedrooms feel comfortable and safe. Make sure your mattress is comfortable, you have enough pillows and nothing in the room has negative influence on you.
In fact, many happy people have special rituals to make this before-bed time pleasant and relaxing. They look forward to prepare themselves for sleep and to do that with pleasure. Here are some before-bed rituals that happy individuals tend to do every evening.
1. They meditate
Happy people find some time before sleeping to meditate. The use of meditation was in fact scientifically proved. Regular meditation improves your brain work, fights with stress and depression, lowers the risks of heart attack or stroke, etc. Meditating before going to bed, you clear your mind of all the troubles of the day and get ready to rest before a new happy day.
2. They read
Happy people read! I’m not talking about news, magazines or Twitter. Happy people read books, stories or articles that inspire them. Reading a great inspiring book makes your imagination see positive pictures and motivates you to have positive life as well. If you fall asleep with good thoughts, you’ll fully rest and wake up with the desire to accomplish your goals.
3. They plan
Knowing what you will do the next day relaxes you and makes you feel calm and free. Before sleeping, happy people plan their next day so that they wake up with determination and a clear picture of what to do.
4. They analyze
Benjamin Franklin, for example, thought that time was the most precious resource and it must be spent right. At the end of every day he asked himself what good things he did that day and analyzed every hour. It let him understand what goals he achieved and what things he should work on. Try to do the same thing for 5-10 minutes before sleeping.
5. They feel gratitude
Happy people are always grateful for the things they have and people they know. This ritual is recommended to do in bed before falling asleep. Close your eyes and think about the things you are grateful for this day. Say thanks to the colleague who gave you a ride, or a waitress who served you very fast when you were late, or to your spouse who was there and supported you. Gratitude is a positive emotion that motivates you. Falling asleep with good thoughts, you will wake up the same.
6. They relax
Different people have different ways to relax. Happy people definitely have some ways as being stressful all the time is not the characteristic of happiness. Some people like to take a long bath with bubbles, some enjoy having a nice cup of tea, some people relax over their hobbies such as drawing or knitting, etc. Think of what makes you calm and relaxed and try to do that before going to bed.
7. They eat or drink healthy products
Of course, it is better not to eat at all, but there are some products that can be good for your sleep. You can eat a banana as it is full of serotonin that helps you to relax. Drinking a glass of warm milk with honey is classics. It calms you down and makes you sleepy. Herbal tea and oatmeal are also okay for a late bite. There are also some products that you should not consume before going to bed such as junk food, coffee and alcohol. Happy people feel great mentally and physically. And you cannot feel good physically if you eat three hamburgers before going to sleep.
8. They exercise
Happy people keep their body in shape. Running or heavy lifting before sleep are not the best things to do as it may be harder to calm down and have a good rest after that. However, stretching, doing yoga or some relaxing exercises is just the right thing to do.
9. They cut off the technology
There are so many unnecessary things we do with our gadgets before going to bed. We check our mail, we watch the latest news, we check if our friends posted something on Instagram, we let the world know that we are going to sleep via Twitter… Those things don’t bring any good and just kill time. Instead of that we can do many important things described above and below.
10. They create the atmosphere
Going to bed can become a nice ritual that brings you joy. Listen to a couple of relaxing songs, make sure it is warm enough in your bedroom and it smells good (essential oils and potpourri can help here). Happy people make their bedrooms feel comfortable and safe. Make sure your mattress is comfortable, you have enough pillows and nothing in the room has negative influence on you.
Your Words Affect Your Mind:10 Sings Happy People Say Everyday
Do you think you are a happy person? Truly happy people do not wait for happiness to find them; instead, they bring positivism and happiness to themselves. They understand that their words are the best tools they have to make others happy, which makes them happy too. Check out these 10 things happy people say every day:
1. “I am really happy to see you.”
A huge part of making yourself happy is making sure that the people around you are happy. This statement is one of the simplest ways to let someone know that being in their presence makes you feel positive, and it shows that you value and respect them.
2. “Seeing you always makes me happy.”
This ups the ante of the previous statement–it is presenting the same positive message while implying that the person you are talking to always holds the power to make you feel positive. For the person you are talking to, they will feel grateful, appreciative and happy, and you will feel happy for putting a smile on someone’s face.
3. “I took your suggestion.”
If someone has given you advice, it is normally because they care about you and want to help to come up with solutions to your problems. No doubt this will have made you feel good–we all love to be cared for! It doesn’t matter if they gave you advice on how to save money or if they recommended a café; return the favour by telling them that you listened to them, and what they said impacted and benefited you.
4. “You have come so far.”
A big part of happiness is celebrating achievements and accomplishments, as this takes hard work and effort. Give something back and reward your friends for their achievements–they will appreciate the gesture.
5. “I was really impressed when you…”
Take number four one step further and focus on specific achievements your loved ones have made. Instead of just making your friend feel good, this offers proof to them that they are a hard-working achiever.
6. “I know you’re capable of more.”
Everyone needs a push sometimes, especially if they are having a tough time. Part of a loving relationship is coaching someone to achieve their full potential. Saying this can help remind your friends how awesome they really are. If saying this pushes them to achieve more, they will remember your comment and feel inspired and grateful.
7. “I’d like to hear what you think about…”
If you love and respect someone, it is very likely that you will value their opinions. However, many people don’t want to share their opinions because they don’t want to seem too forward or too pushy. Instead, show your friends and co-workers than their opinions are important and relevant to you.
8. “Tell me more.”
This statement is both kind and reassuring; many people worry that they have been talking for too long and that no one is listening or interested. This tells them that you are still listening, and that you value what they are saying to you.
9. “You’re welcome.”
There are many ways to say you are thankful; “no worries”, “no problem” and “don’t worry about it”. However, the best way to say this is to say “you’re welcome”. It is more appreciative, and it acknowledges their thanks properly.
10. “Thank you.”
Many of the words on this list reflect appreciation and gratitude. “Thank you” is the most powerful way to do this, and for many people it has more power and meaning behind it. For instance; thank you for reading this article!
What did you think of this list? Share it with your happiest friends and see what they think too!
1. “I am really happy to see you.”
A huge part of making yourself happy is making sure that the people around you are happy. This statement is one of the simplest ways to let someone know that being in their presence makes you feel positive, and it shows that you value and respect them.
2. “Seeing you always makes me happy.”
This ups the ante of the previous statement–it is presenting the same positive message while implying that the person you are talking to always holds the power to make you feel positive. For the person you are talking to, they will feel grateful, appreciative and happy, and you will feel happy for putting a smile on someone’s face.
3. “I took your suggestion.”
If someone has given you advice, it is normally because they care about you and want to help to come up with solutions to your problems. No doubt this will have made you feel good–we all love to be cared for! It doesn’t matter if they gave you advice on how to save money or if they recommended a café; return the favour by telling them that you listened to them, and what they said impacted and benefited you.
4. “You have come so far.”
A big part of happiness is celebrating achievements and accomplishments, as this takes hard work and effort. Give something back and reward your friends for their achievements–they will appreciate the gesture.
5. “I was really impressed when you…”
Take number four one step further and focus on specific achievements your loved ones have made. Instead of just making your friend feel good, this offers proof to them that they are a hard-working achiever.
6. “I know you’re capable of more.”
Everyone needs a push sometimes, especially if they are having a tough time. Part of a loving relationship is coaching someone to achieve their full potential. Saying this can help remind your friends how awesome they really are. If saying this pushes them to achieve more, they will remember your comment and feel inspired and grateful.
7. “I’d like to hear what you think about…”
If you love and respect someone, it is very likely that you will value their opinions. However, many people don’t want to share their opinions because they don’t want to seem too forward or too pushy. Instead, show your friends and co-workers than their opinions are important and relevant to you.
8. “Tell me more.”
This statement is both kind and reassuring; many people worry that they have been talking for too long and that no one is listening or interested. This tells them that you are still listening, and that you value what they are saying to you.
9. “You’re welcome.”
There are many ways to say you are thankful; “no worries”, “no problem” and “don’t worry about it”. However, the best way to say this is to say “you’re welcome”. It is more appreciative, and it acknowledges their thanks properly.
10. “Thank you.”
Many of the words on this list reflect appreciation and gratitude. “Thank you” is the most powerful way to do this, and for many people it has more power and meaning behind it. For instance; thank you for reading this article!
What did you think of this list? Share it with your happiest friends and see what they think too!
How To Be Happy:12 Things You Should Do ToDay
happiness. That word brings up many different feelings and meanings for all of us, but it’s also a word that most of us want to be in a relationship with. I spent the majority of my childhood experiencing true happiness, even though I didn’t actually realize just how precious that form of pure happiness was. Now as an adult, it seems happiness is something we all have to work harder for. Life can be hard as we get older, and most of us don’t mean to become unhappy—it just happens.
Why We Fail to Experience Happiness
We live in such a fast-paced world where nothing ever seems to be good enough, fast enough, affordable enough, or attractive enough. Money, jobs, people, flashy things, new tech items, and success take the reigns for what most of us look to at some point to find happiness. However, if you think back to the times you were the happiest because of no ulterior motives or external factors, you’d likely see that what truly brought joy to your heart was something much different than what it’s now made out to be in the Western world. Happiness exists all the time within us, it’s just taking the proper steps to actually find it again.
12 Steps to Finding Happiness
There’s a theory that the most lasting habits and ways to teach yourself something valuable are to do them in a 12 step process. So I’ve broken down 12 actionable steps that will hopefully help you learn to be happy in ways you might not have imagined. These 12 steps are broken down into four main stages. Take each stage one at a time on a weekly basis. Within just one month, you’ll find yourself in a place more able to receive and reach happiness, and it will likely come in ways you never expected.
Stage 1
1. Start a daily journal where you write down 5 things you’re most grateful for at the beginning (or end of) each day. It can be small, big, or anything in between. Maybe it’s as simple as a morning sunrise in the quiet, a run that makes you feel alive, a cup of coffee that hits the spot. Whatever it is, write it down. Try to think of five things each day, and don’t forget the big things we often forget about: a house over our head, a job to go to (whether it’s your dream job or not), and food in the fridge. Think small and big, and write down five things you’re grateful for every single day, no matter how bad that day is. This trains your brain towards gratitude and reverts it away from stress and worry.
2. Get outside each day however you can. Vitamin D acts like a hormone in the body and is naturally found in the sun’s rays, therefore, natural sunlight is one of the most powerful tools we have that we can use to feel better quickly. It’s been proven that those with depression or constant sadness have low Vitamin D levels in their body.
Since we work indoors all day and are not exposed to Vitamin D like people once were ages ago, we need to make a point to get some outside time each day. If you have the option to work outside, definitely take advantage of that. If not, try to go outside at least 15 minutes each day. You may also look into taking a Vitamin D supplement to increase your levels naturally. Look for Vitamin D3 when possible which is easier for the body to absorb than Vitamin D2.
3. Rebalance your plate. Don’t think in the mindset of dieting here; just train yourself to rethink each meal. Make it a goal to add more fresh foods into your meals, and skip the fast food and junk foods with sugar. Sugar and processed foods, (along with fast foods high in harmful fats), force the body to work harder and also increase insulin levels that can lead to diabetes and imbalanced neurological function.
It’s even been shown that those who eat these type of foods suffer less neurological balance and can often feel depressed or moody as a result. Feed your body the right foods, and your brain will thank you in return! If you need specific ideas for how to eat healthy, you might find these tips particularly helpful.
Focus on these three tips alone the first week and take each day at a time. It doesn’t have to feel like a chore, but attempt to be more mindful of these three areas the first week towards your goal to learn how to be happy more easily. Next week, you’ll move onto Stage 2 and continue adding steps each week until you’ve reached the end of the 12 steps.
Stage 2
1. Add exercise into your schedule a minimum of three times per week. Daily exercise is best for stimulating brain power and engaging neurotransmitters in the brain that help produce more serotonin and natural endorphins, but even a few times a week will make a difference. This one step naturally helps you feel happier even if things in your life aren’t going as well as you’d like for them to be. Even walking outside can be counted towards your goal, but more vigorous exercise is also great too. Do your best to get in at least 30 minutes of exercise three times per week, and if you already exercise, make it a point to try a new workout this week or get one more day in.
2. Boost your gut health with probiotic-rich foods. On top of your new healthy meals that you’re eating, add some probiotic-rich foods to your menu. These include raw sauerkraut and kimchi (Asian, spicy sauerkraut), regular kefir and coconut kefir, a high-quality (organic/non-GMO) plain yogurt without added sugar, or you can take a high-quality probiotic supplement. Probiotics help repopulate the good with beneficial bacteria that the body uses to produce more feel-good hormones and keep you healthy. The brain and gut are directly connected, and it’s been shown that those who have a healthy gut feel less stressed and also suffer less anxiety and depression.
3. Meet with one friend this week to just chat about life. Sometimes, we just need to talk to someone who isn’t at the office or that’s not our parents. If you’re not usually one to be social (my fellow introverts will understand this completely!), then make it an attempt to meet with someone this week to chat. It’s nice to just have a conversation with someone you trust and care about even if you don’t talk about anything heavy-hearted. Go for coffee, out to eat, or whatever else you enjoy. Or, ask a friend to join you for one of the workouts you’re now doing!
You’ve taken six doable steps already, so don’t quit yet! Building a foundation within the areas above is a great way to balance your body and start training your brain to think differently, but happiness can’t be achieved by those things alone. Let’s move onto Stage 3, but continue with the steps above since they are very important.
Stage 3
1. Let go of what does not serve. This can mean many things to individuals, and it’s often a hard thing for us to think about and do, but it’s critical. You might have a so-called friend who puts you down all the time, a family member that hurts you, a boyfriend or girlfriend that doesn’t treat you right, or maybe even a boss that takes advantage of you. Or, maybe none of those apply, and your diet or bad habits are just hurting you in more ways than one.
Think about things in your life that cause you pain and distress, even if those things may seem okay and manageable some days. Whatever does not serve your future or road to happiness, learn to let it go. Write this down if you need to and take actions to learn to let go of these things. This might mean telling a person who treats you poorly that you need to move on, it might mean changing jobs, and it might just mean re-hauling your diet or stopping the late nights out drinking. Whatever it is, start to let go of what does not serve. This is one of the most important things you’ll do when learning how to be happy for life. It’s also a valuable tool you can use for the rest of your life that will help you stay accountable of your life and not engage in things that hurt you rather than help you.
2. Start balancing your checkbook, or get a budget now! Budgets are not fun, and those that are usually stressed typically have a hard time with budgets or just avoid them completely. Just remember that establishing a healthy relationship with money is important, and it will help alleviate at least one form of stress most all of us suffer from. If you don’t make enough money to cover your expenses, then evaluate your spending habits or consider finding additional work to make ends meet. Having a lot of money doesn’t equal happiness, but having a manageable hold over your budget whether big or small, will make a huge different in how you feel each day and will help you feel less stressed.
3. Nix the excess alcohol. If you haven’t already let go of drinking yet, it’s time to rethink your relationship with alcohol. If you have a drink occasionally, it’s probably nothing to worry about, but if you use alcohol to take your mind off things and numb out, you’re only hurting yourself in the long-run. Alcohol decreases mood-boosting hormones in the body as it leaves the system and also hurts the liver (as you most likely already know), which can interfere with the body’s natural detoxifying abilities. When your body works well, you feel so much better. Start making it a goal to only have one drink per week or a small glass of red wine with dinner. If you can’t handle stopping at that point, it might be time to seek help.
The steps above aren’t the easiest for some people, but they will help you reach the best state of happiness possible. Do your best this week to really focus on those things, and continue working on them in Stage 4.
Stage 4
1. Now you’re in the final stage, so the first step this week is to enjoy yourself more! You’ve already made it this far, so take joy in the daily things you do. Even if things aren’t perfect and you’re still trying to make a change from Stage 3’s steps, do whatever it takes to enjoy your current life right now. This is important for dealing with hard issues, and it can help make happiness come more easily over the long-term. Maybe this means listening to an inspirational podcast on your way to work or some music while you make dinner. Or, maybe it’s to stop in a bookstore you enjoy during your lunch break, or spend Saturday morning making yourself something special for breakfast. Take actionable steps to really focus on enjoying your day-to-day life more as you continue making changes.
2. Spend more time on your passions, even if they are just hobbies to you at this point. Most of us have a hard time seeing the possibilities of turning our passions into a career, but they’re not always as far out of reach as we might imagine. Spend 30 minutes each day doing something you’re passionate about. If you’ve always wanted to write a book, get up 30 minutes earlier and write. If you love sewing, then start a sewing project and sew for 30 minutes each day. If you love playing music, spend 30 minutes each day playing at home or with friends. Doing something daily (or at least five times per week) that you truly love can often lead to becoming better at your passion and possible avenues that could even lead you towards a career doing something you love. Trust me, it works!
3. Write down 5 goals. You’re already doing so much at this point, but having goals is incredibly important for finding long-term happiness. Maybe one goal is to spend more time with your loved ones, or maybe it’s to travel to a city you’ve never been to. Maybe it’s to learn a new skill for your job, or maybe it’s to change jobs. Whatever the case, write down 5 goals and start to work towards those goals until you achieve them. These will turn into the things you’re grateful for in Stage 1, and you’ll see a beautiful cycle start to take place that can lead to more happiness.
Stage 4 is over! Congrats if you made it this far, but don’t stop here. Although you’ve taken dramatic steps towards learning how to be happy, the road to happiness is always a journey. Maybe happiness means something different to you, and that’s okay. Write down your own four stages and map out a plan for yourself this month.
Finally, if you have a step that you took in order to learn to be happy, be sure you share it with a friend you know that might be struggling so they can learn to be happy more easily too. For further inspirational posts like this one, check out 11 Things to Do to Start Being Happy Today.
Why We Fail to Experience Happiness
We live in such a fast-paced world where nothing ever seems to be good enough, fast enough, affordable enough, or attractive enough. Money, jobs, people, flashy things, new tech items, and success take the reigns for what most of us look to at some point to find happiness. However, if you think back to the times you were the happiest because of no ulterior motives or external factors, you’d likely see that what truly brought joy to your heart was something much different than what it’s now made out to be in the Western world. Happiness exists all the time within us, it’s just taking the proper steps to actually find it again.
12 Steps to Finding Happiness
There’s a theory that the most lasting habits and ways to teach yourself something valuable are to do them in a 12 step process. So I’ve broken down 12 actionable steps that will hopefully help you learn to be happy in ways you might not have imagined. These 12 steps are broken down into four main stages. Take each stage one at a time on a weekly basis. Within just one month, you’ll find yourself in a place more able to receive and reach happiness, and it will likely come in ways you never expected.
Stage 1
1. Start a daily journal where you write down 5 things you’re most grateful for at the beginning (or end of) each day. It can be small, big, or anything in between. Maybe it’s as simple as a morning sunrise in the quiet, a run that makes you feel alive, a cup of coffee that hits the spot. Whatever it is, write it down. Try to think of five things each day, and don’t forget the big things we often forget about: a house over our head, a job to go to (whether it’s your dream job or not), and food in the fridge. Think small and big, and write down five things you’re grateful for every single day, no matter how bad that day is. This trains your brain towards gratitude and reverts it away from stress and worry.
2. Get outside each day however you can. Vitamin D acts like a hormone in the body and is naturally found in the sun’s rays, therefore, natural sunlight is one of the most powerful tools we have that we can use to feel better quickly. It’s been proven that those with depression or constant sadness have low Vitamin D levels in their body.
Since we work indoors all day and are not exposed to Vitamin D like people once were ages ago, we need to make a point to get some outside time each day. If you have the option to work outside, definitely take advantage of that. If not, try to go outside at least 15 minutes each day. You may also look into taking a Vitamin D supplement to increase your levels naturally. Look for Vitamin D3 when possible which is easier for the body to absorb than Vitamin D2.
3. Rebalance your plate. Don’t think in the mindset of dieting here; just train yourself to rethink each meal. Make it a goal to add more fresh foods into your meals, and skip the fast food and junk foods with sugar. Sugar and processed foods, (along with fast foods high in harmful fats), force the body to work harder and also increase insulin levels that can lead to diabetes and imbalanced neurological function.
It’s even been shown that those who eat these type of foods suffer less neurological balance and can often feel depressed or moody as a result. Feed your body the right foods, and your brain will thank you in return! If you need specific ideas for how to eat healthy, you might find these tips particularly helpful.
Focus on these three tips alone the first week and take each day at a time. It doesn’t have to feel like a chore, but attempt to be more mindful of these three areas the first week towards your goal to learn how to be happy more easily. Next week, you’ll move onto Stage 2 and continue adding steps each week until you’ve reached the end of the 12 steps.
Stage 2
1. Add exercise into your schedule a minimum of three times per week. Daily exercise is best for stimulating brain power and engaging neurotransmitters in the brain that help produce more serotonin and natural endorphins, but even a few times a week will make a difference. This one step naturally helps you feel happier even if things in your life aren’t going as well as you’d like for them to be. Even walking outside can be counted towards your goal, but more vigorous exercise is also great too. Do your best to get in at least 30 minutes of exercise three times per week, and if you already exercise, make it a point to try a new workout this week or get one more day in.
2. Boost your gut health with probiotic-rich foods. On top of your new healthy meals that you’re eating, add some probiotic-rich foods to your menu. These include raw sauerkraut and kimchi (Asian, spicy sauerkraut), regular kefir and coconut kefir, a high-quality (organic/non-GMO) plain yogurt without added sugar, or you can take a high-quality probiotic supplement. Probiotics help repopulate the good with beneficial bacteria that the body uses to produce more feel-good hormones and keep you healthy. The brain and gut are directly connected, and it’s been shown that those who have a healthy gut feel less stressed and also suffer less anxiety and depression.
3. Meet with one friend this week to just chat about life. Sometimes, we just need to talk to someone who isn’t at the office or that’s not our parents. If you’re not usually one to be social (my fellow introverts will understand this completely!), then make it an attempt to meet with someone this week to chat. It’s nice to just have a conversation with someone you trust and care about even if you don’t talk about anything heavy-hearted. Go for coffee, out to eat, or whatever else you enjoy. Or, ask a friend to join you for one of the workouts you’re now doing!
You’ve taken six doable steps already, so don’t quit yet! Building a foundation within the areas above is a great way to balance your body and start training your brain to think differently, but happiness can’t be achieved by those things alone. Let’s move onto Stage 3, but continue with the steps above since they are very important.
Stage 3
1. Let go of what does not serve. This can mean many things to individuals, and it’s often a hard thing for us to think about and do, but it’s critical. You might have a so-called friend who puts you down all the time, a family member that hurts you, a boyfriend or girlfriend that doesn’t treat you right, or maybe even a boss that takes advantage of you. Or, maybe none of those apply, and your diet or bad habits are just hurting you in more ways than one.
Think about things in your life that cause you pain and distress, even if those things may seem okay and manageable some days. Whatever does not serve your future or road to happiness, learn to let it go. Write this down if you need to and take actions to learn to let go of these things. This might mean telling a person who treats you poorly that you need to move on, it might mean changing jobs, and it might just mean re-hauling your diet or stopping the late nights out drinking. Whatever it is, start to let go of what does not serve. This is one of the most important things you’ll do when learning how to be happy for life. It’s also a valuable tool you can use for the rest of your life that will help you stay accountable of your life and not engage in things that hurt you rather than help you.
2. Start balancing your checkbook, or get a budget now! Budgets are not fun, and those that are usually stressed typically have a hard time with budgets or just avoid them completely. Just remember that establishing a healthy relationship with money is important, and it will help alleviate at least one form of stress most all of us suffer from. If you don’t make enough money to cover your expenses, then evaluate your spending habits or consider finding additional work to make ends meet. Having a lot of money doesn’t equal happiness, but having a manageable hold over your budget whether big or small, will make a huge different in how you feel each day and will help you feel less stressed.
3. Nix the excess alcohol. If you haven’t already let go of drinking yet, it’s time to rethink your relationship with alcohol. If you have a drink occasionally, it’s probably nothing to worry about, but if you use alcohol to take your mind off things and numb out, you’re only hurting yourself in the long-run. Alcohol decreases mood-boosting hormones in the body as it leaves the system and also hurts the liver (as you most likely already know), which can interfere with the body’s natural detoxifying abilities. When your body works well, you feel so much better. Start making it a goal to only have one drink per week or a small glass of red wine with dinner. If you can’t handle stopping at that point, it might be time to seek help.
The steps above aren’t the easiest for some people, but they will help you reach the best state of happiness possible. Do your best this week to really focus on those things, and continue working on them in Stage 4.
Stage 4
1. Now you’re in the final stage, so the first step this week is to enjoy yourself more! You’ve already made it this far, so take joy in the daily things you do. Even if things aren’t perfect and you’re still trying to make a change from Stage 3’s steps, do whatever it takes to enjoy your current life right now. This is important for dealing with hard issues, and it can help make happiness come more easily over the long-term. Maybe this means listening to an inspirational podcast on your way to work or some music while you make dinner. Or, maybe it’s to stop in a bookstore you enjoy during your lunch break, or spend Saturday morning making yourself something special for breakfast. Take actionable steps to really focus on enjoying your day-to-day life more as you continue making changes.
2. Spend more time on your passions, even if they are just hobbies to you at this point. Most of us have a hard time seeing the possibilities of turning our passions into a career, but they’re not always as far out of reach as we might imagine. Spend 30 minutes each day doing something you’re passionate about. If you’ve always wanted to write a book, get up 30 minutes earlier and write. If you love sewing, then start a sewing project and sew for 30 minutes each day. If you love playing music, spend 30 minutes each day playing at home or with friends. Doing something daily (or at least five times per week) that you truly love can often lead to becoming better at your passion and possible avenues that could even lead you towards a career doing something you love. Trust me, it works!
3. Write down 5 goals. You’re already doing so much at this point, but having goals is incredibly important for finding long-term happiness. Maybe one goal is to spend more time with your loved ones, or maybe it’s to travel to a city you’ve never been to. Maybe it’s to learn a new skill for your job, or maybe it’s to change jobs. Whatever the case, write down 5 goals and start to work towards those goals until you achieve them. These will turn into the things you’re grateful for in Stage 1, and you’ll see a beautiful cycle start to take place that can lead to more happiness.
Stage 4 is over! Congrats if you made it this far, but don’t stop here. Although you’ve taken dramatic steps towards learning how to be happy, the road to happiness is always a journey. Maybe happiness means something different to you, and that’s okay. Write down your own four stages and map out a plan for yourself this month.
Finally, if you have a step that you took in order to learn to be happy, be sure you share it with a friend you know that might be struggling so they can learn to be happy more easily too. For further inspirational posts like this one, check out 11 Things to Do to Start Being Happy Today.
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